A Sober and Healthy Life

I remember in the late 80s and early 90s when AA, NA, and all of the 12-step programs first began to gain mainstream popularity and support. At the time, there was almost a sense of hysteria about alcoholics and addicts finding a “new” method to create a sober and healthy life. In a matter of just a few years, there were registered 164 different 12-step programs based on the structure and foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. Soon after that, the very popular book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie became a bestseller, and it seemed as if everybody was claiming they were now codependent or somebody in their life was codependent. Codependency was all the rage. It is funny to think that pretty much everybody was claiming somebody or themselves to be either an alcoholic, addict, or codependent as if these were goals to achieve in life.

In the last 20 years or so, many other programs have grown in popularity as methods to treat alcoholism and addiction. Each system claims to be the most effective means for treating substance abuse. The success of other programs has created attention between AA and Narcotics Anonymous versus all the other non-12-step programs of recovery. This is both sad and unproductive. When ego, power, and control are the strongest voices in a conversation, rarely are there positive results. It is a shame that the focus on creating a sober and healthy life has taken a backseat to each person defending the program that was successful in their personal recovery. The focus should always be on creating a sober and healthy life for yourself and others; the rest is fear-based ego, power, and control.

A Sober and Healthy Life – The Beginning of AA

People seem to forget that when Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith created the program of Alcoholics Anonymous together, this was not the beginning of recovery, just a new method of recovery. People have been and will continue to recover from substance abuse with and without Alcoholics Anonymous. This is definitely not a knock or a slight on AA; I am just stating the fact that AA is not the only way to successfully create a sober and healthy life.

A Sober and Healthy Life – An AA General Service Board Member

“Grapevine: You said about 40 percent of the people who remain abstinent do it through AA. What about the other 60 percent? Could we in AA be more open, more supportive of these?

George Vaillant: Yes. You know, if you’re batting 400, it’s all right to miss a few. I think the fact that AA knows the answer to an extremely complicated problem is probably all right.

But it doesn’t hurt at the level of GSO for AA to have humility and understand that 60 percent do it without AA. It’s also true that most of those 60 percent do it with the AA toolbox: their spirituality doesn’t come from AA; their support group doesn’t come from AA; and what I call “substitute dependency” doesn’t come from AA. But they still use the same ingredients that AA uses.

And I don’t think there’s anything that the other 60 percent are doing that AA needs to learn from, except: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” If you meet someone who has stayed sober for more than three years and they’re pleased and boasting that they did it without AA, thank your Higher Power for another recovery. You know, there’s “little” sobriety, being dry, and there’s sobriety with a big S, which includes humility and not thinking that you’re the center of the earth. So if someone is doing something without your help, good enough.”  Division on Addiction

 

A Sober and Healthy Life – Substance Abuse Treatment Centers

When substance abuse treatment centers all over the country began to support AA and NA, everyone was very excited about the shift in mentality and treatment of substance abuse. Today, including AA and NA in substance abuse treatment is a given. But is this good for recovery towards a sober and healthy life? I am not challenging the effectiveness of AA and NA;. However, the results continue to be less than desirable, I am speaking more to the fact that it is presented as the only effective method for alcoholics and addicts to create a sober and healthy life. A side effect of this mentality has produced alcoholics and addicts who want a sober and healthy life in a “my way or the highway” approach to recovery. This is very problematic for the man or woman who does not fit in or feel inspired by twelve-step programs of recovery. These people who want a sober and healthy life are shunned and made to feel like there is something wrong with them or “they do not really want recovery”. These statements are not true or productive. There are many committed alcoholics and addicts who want a sober and healthy life and feel moved by other programs of recovery. For some reason, Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous take offense and feel the need to disparage other methods of recovery, shaming those who choose them. Arrogance and ignorance have never been attractive human characteristics. Humility is part of the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous, but it is not practiced by its members when people choose another form of recovery to create a sober and healthy life for themselves. They call them “dry drunks” and other harmful phrases. Unfortunately they do not take into account there are many successful recovering people leading a sober and healthy life that have nothing to do with AA or NA, this is where arrogance and ignorance insert themselves.

A Sober and Healthy Life – Open-mindedness

It is said in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that alcoholism is an insidious disease. There are many people whose experiences contradict the concept of disease, but that is not something I am choosing to discuss here. In this context, I am referring to insidiousness as it relates to the lack of support and encouragement for people who are successful in living a sober and healthy life outside of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. I was under the belief that Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith were inspired to support recovery toward a sober and healthy life, not that they believed that their way was the only way. I have a suspicion that the mindset of “my way or the highway” is part of what facilitated the need for substance abuse treatment for a sober and healthy life to begin with. Open-mindedness is one of the core principles of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I have been fortunate to meet and build personal and professional relationships with many members of the recovery community both within Alcoholics Anonymous and outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. I find it interesting that I find little differences in how they live a sober and healthy life while pointing their fingers and criticizing each other for “the right way”. Suppose the goal is that as many alcoholics and addicts can find recovery and create a sober and healthy life as possible. In that case, all this ego, power, and control needs to be eliminated. It is counterproductive to achieving the goal of helping another alcoholic or addict. I have worked with many alcoholics and addicts who have found a maintained recovery in as many ways as there are alcoholics and addicts. It seems to me that asking for help and accepting it is critical; everything else seems specific to the individual alcoholic or addict wanting a sober and healthy life.

Interestingly, the commonalities are greater than the differences. Again, it is not about who gets the most people into recovery, it is the most people getting recovery and living a sober and healthy life. My perspective and work are about supporting alcoholics and addicts living a sober and healthy life.

5 steps to a sober lifestyle

• Take care of yourself. To prevent mood swings and combat cravings, concentrate on eating right and getting plenty of sleep. Exercise is also key: it releases endorphins, relieves stress, and promotes emotional well-being.
• Build your support network. Surround yourself with positive influences and people who make you feel good about yourself. The more you’re invested in other people and your community, the more you have to lose—which will help you stay motivated and on the recovery track.
• Develop new activities and interests. Find new hobbies, volunteer activities, or work that gives you a sense of meaning and purpose. When you’re doing things you find fulfilling, you’ll feel better about yourself and drinking will hold less appeal.
• Continue treatment. Your chances of staying sober improve if you are participating in a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous, have a sponsor, or are involved in therapy or an outpatient treatment program.
• Deal with stress in a healthy way. Alcohol abuse is often a misguided attempt to manage stress. Find healthier ways to keep your stress level in check, such as exercising, meditating, or practicing breathing exercises or other relaxation techniques. Help Guide

A Sober and Healthy Life – Humility

I want to be clear that not all members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous practice the lack of humility and respect I am referring to. Most AA and NA members embrace recovery for all, not just those who practice it their way. Most twelve-step communities are beacons of hope and support to those struggling with Addiction and many other issues.

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Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services