Providence Life Coach Dating Success Series – Conscious Coupling

Conscious coupling seems to be getting a lot of press these days; celebrities tend to make this sort of thing happen – Madonna at The Kabbalah Centre and Julia Roberts with Hindu are examples of when they speak openly about religion or spirituality. I am not sure why this happens, but it does. I have never seen celebrities as people I wanted to be like, at least not those in the entertainment industry. Growing up, many athletes gave their time to worthy causes that I looked up to for that reason in the 60’s and 70’s. I have never felt drawn to the fact that “so and so” said something means it is something important or of value. However, it does seem that Richard Gere’s My Journey with Buddhism has really committed to the study and practice of Tibetan Buddhism without making it feel like a publicity stunt. I happened to be participating in the Kalachakra with The Dalai Llama back in 2000 with Richard Gere and other famous people present for the ten days of spiritual training. They all kept a low profile with no autographs or photos, just like everyone else receiving the training.

What is Conscious Coupling?

Conscious coupling is an intentional focus and practice of finding and maintaining a life partner who is practicing and striving to be a committed spiritual practitioner of whatever tradition or religion is chosen. For me it is less about having the same practice or tradition, as it is to be committed to your work through the spiritual practice. My partner and I do not meditate together often or go to the same spiritual events or celebrations all the time. We are committed to reaching higher and digging deeper spiritually and personally. My personal and professional experiences show that commitment to practice and work is the key, not necessarily doing the same thing, so we have something else in common. We already have plenty in common: cooking, food, music, art, literature (I think she likes Ann Patchett almost as much as I do), movies, psychology, service, laughing, deep intimacy, oceans, and great conversation, to list a few.  Conscious coupling is about a conscious commitment to each other and yourself; for me, successful relationships come down to commitment.

Conscious Coupling with Jeff Brown

“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then its simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why u think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. Because it doesn’t matter why they don’t want it. What matters is that we want to be met heart-on by a fully engaged partner. If they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.”  Jeff Brown (~an excerpt from ‘Love It Forward’)

 

I think this is a beautiful quote that covers a lot of what makes conscious coupling valuable in one short paragraph. What spoke to me the loudest was, “That’s the thing about love relationships—it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls.” Both of us have to be fully committed for it to succeed and flourish.

This is an excerpt from The Importance of Conscious Coupling.

5 Recommendations For Conscious Coupling

“1. Know yourself. If you know what type of person you’re drawn to, and it’s cost you in the past, you can be on the lookout so that you don’t replicate. For example, if you have a history of attraction to addictive personalities, you’ll have to assess potential mates for this type of behavior…and keep away.

2. Ask questions. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying: “If you stick your head in the sand your ass will be exposed. “ There definitely truth to this. For example, if you don’t ask about a potential partner’s relationship history, you won’t know if he/she can even sustain a healthy relationship. The past will help you to see the future.

3. Pay attention to contradictions. If your date says one thing and does another, consider it worthy of analysis. For example, if a potential mate tells you that he/she loves children but doesn’t have a relationship with his/her own, beware.

4. Assess how your potential partner treats you. If he/she is quick to anger, argumentative, rude, or controlling, these behaviors might only get worse as relationship progresses.

5. Don’t ignore your “gut.” If you experience a bad feeling, follow up on it. This might actually be a warning from your system that something isn’t right.”                                   Stephen J. Betchen

Number five, “Don’t ignore your gut.” At the root of the searching and couscous coupling is listening; listening to what you hear and see, listening to what you feel and listening to your gut. Our gut often stores the wisdom we need to pay attention to. Listening is more than just memorizing what someone else days. Listening is at the core of good communications and commitment. Of course, we have to know ourself first to be able to listen to our gut.

From Your Tango, What About Conscious Coupling?

Many people have told us that it doesn’t sound “romantic” when we mention that our love was created On Purpose. Romance is something that happens so easily and naturally at the beginning of a relationship, yet it won’t continue to just “happen” – it’s the same with intimacy, communication and love. It’s because we created our relationship purposefully, intentionally, and consciously that we know our love will last. We both got everything we each wanted – so there’s no need to look elsewhere because we are both completely satisfied and fulfilled through our love for ourselves and each other.

When a relationship is created consciously there is no blame, great communication and shared values. It doesn’t mean that there are no disagreements (fights), or miscommunication; however, when you come together consciously you are aware of your trigger points and work through them together. The relationship itself acts as a way for the partners to support one another in healing past wounds.”

 

 

 

 

Other posts you may enjoy:

Doubt

The Relationship Blame Game

Why You Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time

Number One Reason Most Relationships Struggle

Listening as an Art and Skill to Improving Relationships

Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes

Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Life Coaching and Reiki Counseling

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