Think You Are Not Good Enough? Please Read

I think all of us, at some point or another, question whether we are good enough. This is why I wanted to share with you 8 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough from Collective Evolution. This insightful piece by Joe Martino does an excellent job of offering thoughts on shifting that moment when we think we are not good enough to accept ourselves as we are.

It can be difficult to discern whether we think we are not good enough, predominantly due to our personal experiences, family, media, or culture. Regardless of why we think we are not good enough, thinking we are not good enough is a cultural norm. The root causes of feeling not good enough are complicated and need more time and space than this particular piece demands. I think we can each identify our version of feeling that we are not good enough. This provides enough common ground for us to move forward.

There were many years of my life when I thought I was not good enough for an amazing woman with a great job, solid friendships, and a happy life. The negative self-talk in my head controlled all of my actions and non-actions to the point where I had given up all of my power to my fears and thought I was not good enough.  For many people, addiction, obsession, and compulsion are a direct result of thinking we are not good enough. I suspect that anybody who thinks they do not ever question being good enough is not being honest with themselves. Fortunately for most of us, maturity, balance, and personal growth create louder voices, and we develop a higher opinion of ourselves. This restores confidence, courage, and strength to allow our true selves to shine.

8 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

“Negative self talk is something that seems to affect all of us at one time or another. I know I can say myself that it has been a problem in my past, and even now still creeps up on me from time to time.

We all have different reasons as to why we might think we are not good enough inside, whether it be because we think we can’t do something, we haven’t achieved enough or that we simply don’t have all the skills to make something happen. We may go through hard times or challenges and make them even harder as we start telling ourselves a series of stories as to how we got in this “mess” to begin with.

“I always have this happen to me.” “I will never be able to achieve what I want.” “It’s too hard for me to change.” “Others have it easier than me and are capable of more.”

The bottom line is, no matter what stories we tell ourselves, we can overcome any challenge we face as we wouldn’t be in it if we couldn’t overcome it. But, like you, I have been through a number of challenges in my life and have learned a lot along the way about overcoming these stories and that’s what I want to share today.

1. Your Mind Will Trick You & Even Scare You

I think back to when CE was first getting started. I was still working a job and I wanted to take things full time and really expand CE to the next level. Many of my friends and family already thought much of what I shared through CE was “weird” simply because it was different and challenged them. Leaving a good job to run a website wasn’t something many thought could work and because of the constant words of discouragement, I believed that at times too.

If what I was doing wasn’t about money how could I ever survive? How would I pay my bills and move forward in life? Something like this could never support me. These were many of the thoughts I not only heard from others but told myself. And until I pushed through them and took action, those stories did cripple me from moving forward. Even when I chose to move forward, thoughts still came in and my mind told me stories that things wouldn’t work, would fall apart and that I should be careful. Yet I’m still here..

Be smart with your choices, feel them out and go with what you feel inside. But don’t let your mind scare you from doing something.

2. People You Compare Yourself To Have Challenges Too

I’ve been through this one quite a few times. The people we often compare ourselves to; “I wish I was able to be as good as that person at something,” often have many challenges that you don’t see. While we think just because they may have or excel at something we think their lives are perfect, there’s a lot more to the story and often times “being” them isn’t going to suddenly make us happy. Not to mention it’s not about chasing things, achievements or happiness, it’s about allowing yourself to be YOU and allowing others to be themselves. We’re not all meant to be the same and each of us come with our own unique journey. Appreciate yours.

3. Your Impact On Others Is Always Powerful, No Matter How Many People You Affect

Sometimes we have cravings to really want to make an impact and we think we are too small or are incapable of helping to inspire others or change the world. Until we remember that no matter how big or small one’s actions are they still can change the world and affect others, we will always be chasing more.

People have shared their love and thanks with me many times about my work and what I’ve done to impact them, yet when I get caught up in thinking about how much MORE I could be doing, I don’t feel peace about what I’m doing now. Sometimes a simple act of being kind to someone can impact another in a way that affects 1000 more. Don’t underestimate and play down your own individual power.

4. You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be

“When I finally get beyond ‘this’ or get good at ‘this’ I will be happy and ready to go!” How many times have we said that about something? Again it can come down to comparing ourselves to others. It’s a cycle we get in where we look at where we are now and simply think it’s not good enough. Trust where you are. It’s perfect for you. It doesn’t mean you don’t take action and simply ‘chill’ where you are. No, instead be at peace inside about where you are, accept it and take steps to continue moving forward but be patient with yourself. You will get to where you need to be. Enjoy the journey of it all, focus less on the result.

5. When You Get To Where You Think You Should Be, You Still Won’t Have Peace Unless..

Peace and happiness is an inside job. It’s partly why I don’t like to use the word “happy” too often. We get caught up in chasing it and we always use external things to feel it. It’s an emotion, not a state of being. It has an opposite and that opposite is sadness. We often set up conditions for our happiness. If I do this, have this or become this I will be happy, if not, I’m sad. Peace or what we could call ‘true happiness’ is something that isn’t about what we do but our state of being. It’s about kicking out all the stories and patterns that keep us out of peace, our natural state.

6. Negative Self Talk Is Not Going To Make Things Better & Can Be Addictive

This is another big one that is very common. Very much related to what’s been mentioned already, getting into negative self talk and doing it consistently doesn’t make anything better and usually only makes things worse. But we get so addicted to it. It becomes like a habit where the first thing out of our mouths when someone asks us something about what we are doing or how we feel is a negative piece about yourself.

Considering there is no purpose to negative self talk other than to maybe you that you about self-love, kick the habit. Start observing how often you do it and then make an effort to stop before you start next time. Soon enough you won’t even have the thoughts coming to your head anymore.

7. You Are Not What You Do

So many times we get caught up in the idea that if we do something, we will suddenly have more value and thus when we don’t do something or don’t achieve something we feel worthless or not good enough. But, we are not what we do. That does not make up who we are and our “achievements” don’t make us any better or worse of a person. Sure, it’s OK to be pleased with yourself if you did something great, but it isn’t about making that part of your identity and then suddenly feeling like you have more value. Likewise when we don’t do or haven’t done something, it does not make us any better or worse. If you’re waiting for that moment of completing something to feel worthy, you might be waiting a lifetime.

8. Take A Moment, Think Of How Awesome You Truly Are

Finally, just take a moment and think about you as a being. No doubt you’ve done some awesome things in this life time, but can you say that to yourself? Instead of defining so much about you as being “bad” or focusing on times you weren’t happy with yourself, ask yourself why you even feel that way about yourself to begin with? Why do you feel that because you aren’t a certain way that you are not worthy or good enough? Challenge yourself to explore and find answers to this, you will learn a lot about yourself. When you understand how your belief systems work, you can also learn how to kick them. Then simply look at yourself from a neutral stand point and see the true brilliance of yourself. You are not the stories your mind makes up about you.”

I think “PEOPLE YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO HAVE CHALLENGES TOO” may be the most common way from the list above that people lie to themselves and think they are not good enough.

In 1999 I had the opportunity to take part in a 10 day training led by The Dalai Lama. At the end of the ten days, when he was wrapping things up, he shared something to the effect of, “Well, at least I was healthy for this training. Last time I was here, I was sick, and I was worried that I would not be able to be healthy for this whole training and ruin it for all of you”. To me, the humility and honesty with which he shared his version of thinking he was not good enough was powerful, and it still is today. I think it is safe to say that if The Dalai Lama can question if he is not good enough, comparing ourselves to others is not productive and rarely accurate. I wonder how many young women looked up to the life that Hillary Clinton had when she was the First Lady in the White House before the Monica Lewinsky scandal? How many young African Americans have used Bill Cosby as a role model? What about the former coach at Penn State, Joe Paterno? I am not judging or condemning any of these people; I am just using them as examples of how dangerous and naïve it can be to compare ourselves to how and what we think other people’s lives are like. As a kid, my maternal grandmother always said, “Michael, you never know what goes on behind anybody else’s closed doors.” I think she was right.

I would like to hear your thoughts and experiences about the 8 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough.

Other posts you may enjoy:

Doubt

What’s The Point?

A Year Without Alcohol

Why You Don’t Need To Be Right All The Time

25 Signs You’re Succeeding At Life (Even if it doesn’t feel like it)

Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki

 

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