Author Book Review - Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters

Overall Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

“Change is real and possible; it really is. I am living proof.”

My final read of the year! And this time around, it’s a memoir that I wasn’t quite sure I was going to finish when I first started it if I’m honest (the trigger warnings are certainly triggering.) It’s a hard read, I’ll not lie, but it’s raw, it’s honest and I really appreciated Michael’s courage in sharing his story. With so many horrific experiences and so many reasons to judge and to hate, not many people would. Very happy to be sharing my review of Raised By Wolves, Possibly Monsters!

T.W. Sexual violence, generalized violence, hate, sexism, drugs/alcohol use.

About the book

This is a story about a boy who wanted to be kind and loving but was raised by wolves and monsters who taught him to choose violence and aggression. As the boy grew to be a man, he wanted to be a protector of women but ended up being what girls and women needed protection from. He lied, cheated, and scammed his way through life until he couldn’t.

This memoir is his moving account of discovering healthy masculinity from the inside out. His journey has been sensational at times and unbelievable at others, but for many readers, it has been absolutely inspiring. Will the hungry wolves outlast the desire to be loving and beautiful? Can men truly change?

There is hope in witnessing the depth and commitment of a person willing to try to be better without knowing exactly how. This memoir captures one man’s struggle to transcend his past and imagine an entirely new future for himself premised on compassion, care, and advocacy.

We do not have to be what they did to us, but it’s our responsibility to do something about it.

My thoughts:

Before I start, it’s worth noting that this book is a very uncomfortable read at times and probably has the longest list of trigger warnings out of all the books I’ve read this year. It won’t be for everyone (and that’s okay!) However, once you read this book, you’ll understand why all the horrific anecdotes are needed, how crucial they are. Why the book has to be as uncomfortable as it is, why so much sensitive information is shared. It was a heavy book for me, and despite wanting to put the book down early on, I’m glad I stuck with it. I think it’s a very important read for a number of reasons.

We’re first introduced to a young Michael Swerdloff. And if I’m honest, I absolutely despised the person he was (sorry, Michael!) I was taken aback by just how brutally honest he was about where he came from, what he did, how he treated other people, especially women. The people around him taught him violence, the wrong way to treat girls and his peers. There were specific scenes I had to skip over because I was so disgusted by what I read and found it very traumatic. But there was always an underlying sense of remorse in Michael’s words, something which kept me reading. We go through his experiences with new girlfriends, his first sexual experiences, how all this progressed into drugs and getting in trouble with the law. But as well as feeling so horrified by the things he’d done, I also couldn’t help thinking about how incredibly brave it was for someone to share their past experiences, the most vulnerable side of them, the things they regret, in order to spread awareness and prove that people can change. It really was powerful.

“We control when and where we let the wolf and monster loose. We control those impulses and create a safe space in ourselves to hold them so that those impulses no longer terrorize women, children, other men and ourselves.”

We slowly see Michael start to take those early steps to fix himself. Admitting to himself that the life he’s living isn’t the right path isn’t easy for him. He has anger inside and so many issues to fix, but I admired the fact that he knew something needed to be done. He goes to rehab, starts to have some feelings of gratitude, and even has new, healthier experiences with women which help him to understand their viewpoints, how his previous actions could hurt them and affect them for life. I really liked how Michael planned to make amends at this point, to apologise to every person he’d ever hurt, physically or mentally. Even though this turned out not to be the best option, (why would the people he’d harmed want to hear from him again when they’d probably worked so hard to move forward?) I thought the idea of it was really admirable.

Michael discovers Reiki and begins this part of his journey, and it was finally here where we can really feel a significant change within Michael. It was finally a part of the book that didn’t feel uncomfortable to read! Reading about his experiences with Reiki made me sceptical at first (purely an opinion, and I’m so glad Michael eventually realised this was his calling!) I did a bit of research into it as I read and I wasn’t really sold, but I was open to the idea after hearing of Michael’s positive experiences with others as he practices this type of healing. And of course, if it genuinely helps people, then I am absolutely on board with it! Reading about this time in Michael’s life felt different somehow. Even the way he wrote seemed to change as if signifying the growth and healing he was experiencing at this time (whether intentional or not, I wasn’t sure!)

“It was becoming harder and harder to avoid and hide from feelings, thoughts, and emotions that I did not want to experience. Don’t go in the water if you don’t want to get wet.”

From a violent relationship (with Michael being the victim this time) to losing family members, Michael continues to have a hard life. But what was so amazing to me was how he stayed on the right path without relapse. He continues Reiki sessions for himself whenever he needs to, has some important people around him who help to ground him when he needs it, attends a solo silent retreat and does some travelling. His life continues to be so eventful in both positive and negative ways. The descriptions of how Michael thinks and feels about everything that came his way were so strong, and he certainly doesn’t shy away from these feelings. He embraces them and begins to see so much good in everything around him. He manages to help so many other people and himself with the choices he makes, the directions his life takes. I began to get more and more fascinated by where life took him and by the people he met along his journey.

Part IV of the book was a great section in terms of wrapping things up and getting up to date with how Michael is doing after ill health and how he finds his recovery. It was quite an emotional section as things came to an end, but it was also filled with hope and a positive outlook on his future. The book was too long for me personally and I felt there was a lot that could have been edited out (such as the many many encounters with different women that felt very samey) but at the same time, I did appreciate each of these relationships would have taught him something at least. Knowing Michael is now on the right path filled me with happiness and warmth. Such a hard journey, but one he’s overcome with all the strength he could muster. And that’s certainly something to shout about.

Summary

Raised By Wolves, Possibly Monsters is a powerful but sometimes difficult read following one boy’s traumatic journey into adulthood, making the wrong choices and choosing a path filled with violence, aggression and abuse. But it’s also a story of change. A story of making things right. About fixing what’s broken and looking forward to a future free from hate. Michael’s memoir is tough to stomach at times, but his honesty and self reflection really made this a fascinating read for me. The book asks the question, ‘Can men truly change?’ and I think that Michael is proof that, when taking the right steps, sticking to your guns, and having the right people around you, you can turn your life around. The book turns into an enlightening read by the end, full of lessons and food for thought. It will really stick with me!

There’s so much more to this book than I could possibly write into a review, as you can imagine! So if you like the sound of this one and want to experience it for yourself, you can grab your own copy of Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters right now on Amazon. Make sure you’re following Michael over on Instagram for more updates!

Author Emily Quinn, a UK based book blogger who is trying but failing to write her own book… I launched A Quintillion Words in January 2018 – something I wanted to do for a long time. I read so much that I thought I needed to document all the books I loved, and I love to share my views and recommended my favourites to other readers.