At nearly 6-years-old, my daughter can weave a tapestry of profanity that would impress Ozzy Osbourne. Not that I ever had the intention of raising a pint-sized shock rocker. In fact, I have gone in quite the opposite direction, opting to make the utterance of profanity something worthy of being chastised for. Okay, with some exception. Because to admonish her means I have to pass the giggle test. If she makes me chuckle, then my point is lost. However, for the most part she is mindful of her language in my home. Subsequently, I try to watch my own language as well. Though I certainly stumble.

I am aware that she is allowed to cuss at my ex’s house, and that has led to interesting conversations. For now, though, it seems that there is one conclusion that Bug has come to on her own that transcends both homes. It has nothing to do with well-placed eff-bombs, or exclamations of shock with a deft ‘holy shit!’.

“There are bad words, like…mama…can I say one of them?”

“Just one,” I reply.

“There are bad words like ‘shit’. But they aren’t the worst, mama.”

My first thought goes back to one of my favourite films; A Christmas Story, and the dreaded ‘Eff dash dash dash’. This was what I imagined she would inform me of. Of course there are worse words than a simple ‘shit’. “What is the worst, Bug? You have permission to tell me what you think it is. I won’t get mad. We can talk about it.”

“Well…um…” she shuffles and looks at the floor before looking up at me. She is definitely unsure about saying these terrible words. But she takes a breath and comes out with it. “Words like ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb’. Because they are always about people. They are so mean and hurt people’s feelings. You say the ‘sh’ word when you drop something on the floor, but that’s ok. You’re frustrated. But those other words are only hurting words.”

I don’t immediately have a response for her assertion. All I know is that she isn’t wrong. I tell her that she is one hundred percent correct, and that we will add words like stupid and dumb to our ‘bad words list’.

She has taken this to heart, and carries it outside of our home. She has called out friends and family for using the worst of the bad words, and explaining exactly why they are so bad.

And I am glad she taught me, too.

Because it’s one thing to toss out a cathartic ‘for fuck’s sake!’ and carry on with the day, with no offence given or taken, and quite another to announce that something (someone’s idea, plan, product etc.) is stupid. One is an expression, directed at a moment in time. One cuts at someone, and diminishes them as a person.

So now I find myself thinking twice. I can be frustrated, but what I am bothered by isn’t stupid or dumb. It’s inconvenient and could be improved upon by people who just need a bit more time to figure things out.

I just hope I can keep nurturing this world view in my daughter.