Gray area drinking is hard to define and diagnose. We have been working with only two possible narratives around people who consume alcohol: either you are an alcoholic, or you are not an alcoholic. There has not been a third, fourth, or fifth narrative for those drinking alcohol. That's where gray area drinking comes in! Gray area drinking includes those people who do not feel like they are alcoholics but do drink more often and in larger quantities than they want or feel healthy and balanced. They enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of beer after work but end up drinking much more and falling asleep on the couch. Some gray drinkers determine it is best for them only to drink alcohol one or two times per week but end up drinking five or six nights. They have not paid the same degree of consequences in their life that alcoholics have and are acutely aware that this is not the best they can be doing for themselves and the people that matter most. Gray area drinkers want more from life and do not think going to rehab or A.A. makes sense.
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What Is Gray Area Drinking and What Can I do About it?
Learning To Meditate
Learning to meditate is hard. This is my experience with learning to meditate. I was coming up on six months clean and sober. My sponsor's sponsor, which I jokingly used to call my grand sponsor, was coming up on 40 years sober. I used to enjoy talking with old Bill often. He was kind, respectful, direct, and openhearted. These were all qualities that I had desired, but I did not know how to express them myself or know many people who did, for that matter. So I used to like to talk with him whenever possible. He was one of the few people I trusted even a little.
One night after a meeting, Bill came over and sat next to me. He smiled that soft, gentle smile that typically made me feel safe, if only momentary. On that particular Friday night, I was not able to tap into his smile in order to shift the sadness, desperation, and frustration I was experiencing. Bill noticed this immediately. He leaned over and put his right hand on my left elbow, "How are you doing, young man?". Bill was old enough to forget pretty much everyone's name, and we were all either Young Man or Young Woman, regardless of age or any other identifying factors.
I let out a deep sigh and felt my belly clinch, "I'm not doing so good, Bill. I go to meetings, I talk to my sponsor, I hang out with all my recovering friends, I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning when I wake up, I still feel miserable. I feel like it's never going to get better for me, and there's nothing I can do about it."
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Sexy Weakness – The Sexual Power of Emotional Vulnerability
Sexy weakness? What on earth is that? As a man, like millions of other men, I was taught that being vulnerable was bad and a sign of being weak. I was taught women want a man who is strong, stable, and "tough," whatever the heck that means. I was taught that you keep your emotions in check and never let anyone see who you really are. Like never. It has taken me decades to unlearn some of this programming. Parts of it were easy and simple to leave behind; other elements took longer and needed more attention and intention. More importantly, women did not feel safe around ...
The Six Types of Courage
Courage. Bravery. Boldness. Fearlessness. When I think of courage, I see an image of someone standing by themselves with shredded clothes full of blood and sweat. Other images of courage that appear in my mind are a parent carrying children through a storm or desert or a group of people holding hands with eyes filled with tears, caring for each other as if there is no other choice but to love and love more. I recall an image of a person in the flood water of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina bringing supplies to their family....