Gender
Learning To Meditate
Learning to meditate is hard. This is my experience with learning to meditate. I was coming up on six months clean and sober. My sponsor's sponsor, which I jokingly used to call my grand sponsor, was coming up on 40 years sober. I used to enjoy talking with old Bill often. He was kind, respectful, direct, and openhearted. These were all qualities that I had desired, but I did not know how to express them myself or know many people who did, for that matter. So I used to like to talk with him whenever possible. He was one of the few people I trusted even a little.
One night after a meeting, Bill came over and sat next to me. He smiled that soft, gentle smile that typically made me feel safe, if only momentary. On that particular Friday night, I was not able to tap into his smile in order to shift the sadness, desperation, and frustration I was experiencing. Bill noticed this immediately. He leaned over and put his right hand on my left elbow, "How are you doing, young man?". Bill was old enough to forget pretty much everyone's name, and we were all either Young Man or Young Woman, regardless of age or any other identifying factors.
I let out a deep sigh and felt my belly clinch, "I'm not doing so good, Bill. I go to meetings, I talk to my sponsor, I hang out with all my recovering friends, I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning when I wake up, I still feel miserable. I feel like it's never going to get better for me, and there's nothing I can do about it."
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Sexy Weakness – The Sexual Power of Emotional Vulnerability
Sexy weakness? What on earth is that? As a man, like millions of other men, I was taught that being vulnerable was bad and a sign of being weak. I was taught women want a man who is strong, stable, and "tough," whatever the heck that means. I was taught that you keep your emotions in check and never let anyone see who you really are. Like never. It has taken me decades to unlearn some of this programming. Parts of it were easy and simple to leave behind; other elements took longer and needed more attention and intention. More importantly, women did not feel safe around ...
The Real Reason Women Leave Men – Trust and Safety
I am not a fan of clickbait headlines. I saw this today on The Good Man Project, and that was enough for me to read it and see if there was substance to the sensationalistic tagline. There is definitely content here that is worth the time to explore why women leave men. Of course, relationships can be very complicated, and the reason Matthew Fray offers is simplistic but valid and credible. I encourage you to invest the time to read his post on why women leave men.
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The Six Types of Courage
Courage. Bravery. Boldness. Fearlessness. When I think of courage, I see an image of someone standing by themselves with shredded clothes full of blood and sweat. Other images of courage that appear in my mind are a parent carrying children through a storm or desert or a group of people holding hands with eyes filled with tears, caring for each other as if there is no other choice but to love and love more. I recall an image of a person in the flood water of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina bringing supplies to their family....
When Trauma Blocking Gets in the Way
Arguments About $ Aren’t About Money
Arguments. The first time I meet a new couple that I am working with, I ask them to each share why they are here today. Almost without exception, they each launch into a one-sided description of a recent argument, telling it solely from their perspective. In their minds, they are seeking relationship counseling because of an argument or arguments.
I ask a few more questions to get a greater understanding of their current challenges. Most of the time, they continue to refer back to the argument or arguments previously mentioned.
I will follow that up with a question similar to this, "So if I am hearing you correctly, you are here because of an argument or arguments, not due to a lack of trust, connection, respect, communication, commitment, safety, and/or intimacy?".
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Relationship Recommendations During Covid-19
We all need relationship recommendations from time to time. In this current pandemic, there are intense pressures on relationships for couples who are trying to figure out how to get along and thrive during Covid-19 or just survive in some cases. Most couples have never had to experience such a high degree of proximity for an extended amount of time, as we need to manage right now. Add in the economic stress and fear of physical safety, and it is no surprise that more couples are reaching out for support and guidance than at any other time in history.
Please remind yourself and each other that this is temporary; you need each other, and you really do love each other, even if none of the above feels true at this moment. I encourage you to trust your history and that you have endured difficult challenges before and are still together. And most of all, PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER! This is an incredibly stressful time in every one of our lives. We need to feel safe while navigating this unique global situation. Trust your love, connection, and your foundation as your guides and collective resources. Please be gentle with each other and yourself. Ask for help if you need it.
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Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters
Find out about this exciting new book here.
