Gray area drinking is hard to define and diagnose. We have been working with only two possible narratives around people who consume alcohol: either you are an alcoholic, or you are not an alcoholic. There has not been a third, fourth, or fifth narrative for those drinking alcohol. That's where gray area drinking comes in! Gray area drinking includes those people who do not feel like they are alcoholics but do drink more often and in larger quantities than they want or feel healthy and balanced. They enjoy a glass of wine or bottle of beer after work but end up drinking much more and falling asleep on the couch. Some gray drinkers determine it is best for them only to drink alcohol one or two times per week but end up drinking five or six nights. They have not paid the same degree of consequences in their life that alcoholics have and are acutely aware that this is not the best they can be doing for themselves and the people that matter most. Gray area drinkers want more from life and do not think going to rehab or A.A. makes sense.
...
Life
Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus
Listening and learning are two essential skills for creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends, and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family, and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our lives by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships.
Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite you to read Terry Gaspard's article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am an enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute....
COVID Care For Self – Our Brains Are Responding
COVID care is important. Our brains and bodies have new processes to consider and respond to. I imagine this might be similar to those we are living in a new war zone. Their brains and bodies have to adapt to a new version of life. Many exceptional neurologists and social science researchers are doing great work in informing us of how these events affect our brains and emotions. I find the information very helpful for the clients I work with and for my personal experiences. I have been mindful about COVID care and making sure I acknowledge that I should NOT be feeling how I typically do with so much change and uncertainty....
Gender Roles of Listening – It’s Not About The Nail
This short film provides an opportunity for us to explore how gender roles of listening are expressed in relationships. I invite you to pay attention to how this short film affects you. Does it bring up anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration, laughter, or any other emotions? What are your thoughts about your current or previous partners as you watch this short film? Do you find yourself blaming them or yourself for past or current challenges?
https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
...
What Is Gray Area Drinking and What Can I do About it?
Learning To Meditate
Learning to meditate is hard. This is my experience with learning to meditate. I was coming up on six months clean and sober. My sponsor's sponsor, which I jokingly used to call my grand sponsor, was coming up on 40 years sober. I used to enjoy talking with old Bill often. He was kind, respectful, direct, and openhearted. These were all qualities that I had desired, but I did not know how to express them myself or know many people who did, for that matter. So I used to like to talk with him whenever possible. He was one of the few people I trusted even a little.
One night after a meeting, Bill came over and sat next to me. He smiled that soft, gentle smile that typically made me feel safe, if only momentary. On that particular Friday night, I was not able to tap into his smile in order to shift the sadness, desperation, and frustration I was experiencing. Bill noticed this immediately. He leaned over and put his right hand on my left elbow, "How are you doing, young man?". Bill was old enough to forget pretty much everyone's name, and we were all either Young Man or Young Woman, regardless of age or any other identifying factors.
I let out a deep sigh and felt my belly clinch, "I'm not doing so good, Bill. I go to meetings, I talk to my sponsor, I hang out with all my recovering friends, I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning when I wake up, I still feel miserable. I feel like it's never going to get better for me, and there's nothing I can do about it."
...
...
Sexy Weakness – The Sexual Power of Emotional Vulnerability
Sexy weakness? What on earth is that? As a man, like millions of other men, I was taught that being vulnerable was bad and a sign of being weak. I was taught women want a man who is strong, stable, and "tough," whatever the heck that means. I was taught that you keep your emotions in check and never let anyone see who you really are. Like never. It has taken me decades to unlearn some of this programming. Parts of it were easy and simple to leave behind; other elements took longer and needed more attention and intention. More importantly, women did not feel safe around ...
Self-Doubt & The Big Question Mark
I am fascinated by how many strong, courageous, and successful people have layers upon layers of self-doubt. Self-doubt creeps into almost every nook and cranny of their being. When others see them as bright, amazing, and enjoyable, they see themselves as stupid, mediocre, and a burden. This is where self-doubt interrupts the ability to achieve our internal and external dreams and aspirations.
...
...
Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters
Find out about this exciting new book here.
