Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus

Listening and learning are two essential skills for creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends, and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family, and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our lives by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships.

Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite you to read Terry Gaspard’s article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am an enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute.

Communication During Coronavirus: Listening and Learning

Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW

December 21, 2020
Communication affects how safe and secure we feel in our relationships as well as our level of intimacy.
corona virus communication pandemic
In the Coronavirus era, many couples have been confronted by an all-new dichotomy. We are home more often and physically closer than ever before, but we’re simultaneously drawn inward and experiencing an increased sense of disconnection. When live-in partners are compelled by our current circumstances to spend nearly all of their time together, numerous unexpected and seemingly contradictory challenges arise.

Communicating love and admiration to your partner is a hallmark of any relationship, yet after some time and dealing with the stresses of day-to-day life, you might find that positive communication diminishes. This includes telling your partner that you love them. These comments start to fade in frequency. You may not express gratitude for your partner aloud because it may not come naturally. Instead, you make a big deal over trivial issues and miss the big picture.

One effective way to increase positive communication and to learn more about your partner is to ask open-ended questions. For instance, I often advise couples to ask their partner questions such as, “What was it like at work today?” This query can elicit more conversation than “Did you have a good day?”

According to Dr. John Gottman, posing questions that require no more than a yes or no can kill a conversation, whereas open-ended questions such as “What did you like best about the movie?” require a deeper response that can enhance conversation.

Ultimately, these broadly relatable questions serve as a tool for partners trying to be more active in taking an emotional interest in their loved one. And in these trying, unprecedented times, it seems the positive results of such inquiry will provide a counterbalance to the strife, uncertainty, and stress that we’re all living with.

Here are four more questions to ask your partner (and for them to ask you) to increase intimacy
1. What’s one thing you think could improve our relationship?

2. What are two things you like about the way I communicate with you?

3. What are two things you would like to see me change about how I communicate with you?

4. How would you prefer we spend our free time together this weekend?

Sometimes couples are so absorbed in their problems that they forget to see their partner as a person. You can strengthen your relationship by learning more about your partner and discussing their thoughts and feelings. If you try to answer the above questions about your partner first and then compare answers (or interview each other), you are on the path to building authentic love and improving the quality of your partnership. The following points can help you attain closeness with your partner on a daily basis.