Listen To Their Story – Ex-CIA Undercover Officer

The video below is titled “Former Undercover CIA Officer Talks War And Peace.” While I was listening and watching, what was loudest to me was how this applies to everyday life, not just foreign wars. What if we listen to their story as a practice we all follow when trying to resolve conflicts with partners, lovers, friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers?

If an undercover CIA Agent thinks we should listen to their story as a path to peace against our “enemies,” why can’t we choose to listen to their story as the same path to peace with those closer to home and heart?

Listen To Their Story – Ex-CIA Undercover Officer Tells Lessons From Life

 

What harm can come if we listen to their story, really listen? Listen as if we are trying to create a bridge to connection, not a wall to isolation and disconnection.

Listen To Their Story – Parents Listening To Kids

What if parents listen to their kid’s stories as if they want to believe children, not just to make them feel like they are being listened to? How do you think your children will respond if you listen to their story for real?

Listen To Their Story – Lovers & Partners in Relationships

How do you think she/he will feel if we make the time and effort to listen to their story? Hear what they are trying to say as if their words, thoughts, and feelings matter. How would you feel in your relationship if you felt heard and understood? If we listen to their story, do you think we will create more bridges or walls? Are bridges or walls your goal in your relationships?

Listen To Their Story – Professional Relationships at Work

It is both necessary and fruitful to listen to their story in your work and professional world. On the surface, we may overlook the value of listening to their story at work matters. Many of us do not have the same depth of relationships in our professional environment. This may be true, but many workers do work and spend many hours of the day at work. Why not view these situations as opportunities to build and cultivate strong, healthy relationships with our co-workers? This includes everyone from owners, CEOs/CFOs, managers, team leaders, staff, and part-time employees. Pay attention to how many conversations you have when not at work about people you work with. If you think they are not important enough to listen to their story to get to know who they are and what they value, why are you talking about them so often?

Listen To Their Story – Police and Armed Forces

Recent events around the United States and beyond have made it clear that we can no longer pretend like there are no issues in how we train and view our police officers and armed forces. We can no longer act like everything is OK with our law enforcement officials, regardless of who they are or their standing in the community. We need our police to feel safe from us, and we need to feel safe from them! This is incredibly important for creating safe and peaceful communities. We cannot do this without partnering with local police, who are critical during this shift. Please do not think we can do this without them; it would be naïve.

We can build bridges with our local police if we listen to their story, and they will listen to our stories as well. Angry, aggressive officers are often that way for a reason. Years on the force have created hardened perspectives that get expressed as unnecessary violence. They are frustrated with not being able to make a difference in their community. Would you be any different? The same is true for the groups that are targeted by these officers and the resulting violence. If you were one of these individuals or their family members, wouldn’t you be angry as well? What if it was your brother or father? Would you have a different perspective about your safety and trust in police? It is time for us to listen to each other’s stories and understand why we react the way we do so we can begin to build trust and respect for each other. It can be done if we listen with an open mind and heart.

 

Listen To Their Story – Kids As Teachers

Sometimes, I forget how well children can figure out how to negotiate and navigate through situations that they did not choose but have to “deal with” because of our choices. Kids are thrown together in families, schools, social circles, religious organizations, group gatherings, and events. They play with kids who are not like them or live much differently, but they find a way to make it work most of the time. We tend to focus on when it isn’t working the way we think it should be based on what we want without them getting a vote. They just have to make do because we said so. Can you imagine if this was true for adults, too? We choose where we work and, by default, whom we work with. We can leave and get another job if it feels challenging enough. We choose who we play and socialize with. They cannot make these decisions.

Kids find a way because that is what you are supposed to do, and they would prefer to have fun and play than fight. I remember when I was a kid. The street I lived on had a cul-de-sac at the bottom of the hill. We often played kickball in the warmer months. Everybody played, regardless of age, gender, or skill level. We created somewhat equal teams because we wanted to have fun, competitive games. We did the same on the small basketball court in one of the kid’s driveways with a net and backboard. We played football, soccer, and baseball the same way. We weren’t saints. We had our share of fights, arguments, and differences. Sometimes a kid was “exiled” from the group but that was usually short-lived. The keys were that we were not able to choose another group of kids to play with, and there were no parents around to try to control how things should be, so we figured it out. Parents not being around was probably the most important factor in us making it work. The boy who was in a wheelchair and the girl who was so much smaller and louder than everyone else created challenges. We worked it out without parents. The boy who played too rough and the one who cried too often for our collective liking were included and learned how to assimilate and be part of the group.

Truthfully, I am not sure how many of the kids I actually liked, but that did not seem important. What was more important was the ability to take part and not ruin our collective need for fun and belonging. Kids moved away, and new ones replaced them. Sometimes, their acceptance into the group was slow, but for others, it was immediate. Again, we were not perfect or the model community of neighborhood kids, just the ones who lived on the same block.

Sometimes, we would venture a block or two away and play with other kids. At times, there was jealousy when this happened, but we would listen to their story and let them explain why and what they were looking for in their own words to the best of their ability. Parents were not the ones who navigated the system; the group did it without intervention, predominately, because we had no choice. The system worked because we let it, and on some level, we trusted “the system” even if we didn’t know it existed.

Listen To Their Story – If You’re Brave Enough

Amaryllis Fox is a writer, a peace activist, and a former CIA Clandestine Service officer who believes understanding comes with listening.

“The only real way to disarm your enemy is to listen to them,” she said. “If you hear them out, if you’re brave enough to really listen to their story, you can see that more often than not, you might’ve made some of the same choices if you’d lived their life instead of yours.”

Listen To Their story – Tich Nhat Hahn on Deep Listening

“Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, you give that person a chance to suffer less. If you want to help him to correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don’t interrupt. You don’t argue. If you do, he loses his chance. You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.” Tich Nhat Hahn

Listen To Their Story – Gerry Fewster on Listening to Kids

“Say, for example, I tell parents they should listen to their kids. Most would gawk in disbelief and go off to find a real expert.

Yet, taken seriously, the simple act of listening to the uncensored story of another soul is to offer a rare and treasured gift. To be truly heard is to know that our thoughts and feelings, dreams and fears can be expressed and known; that who we really are has a place in this world. It is a gift of freedom.

Conversely, to simply listen to another person’s story, without judge-mentor agenda, is to understand the mystery of how, in our uniqueness, we are all inextricably connected. Beyond all the talk about genetic connections, family ties, personal loyalties, and cultural affiliations, the connection between two people who see and hear each other is the deepest bond of all. How simple.”  Gerry Fewster from the ONLINE JOURNAL OF THE INTERNATIONAL CHILD AND YOUTH CARE NETWORK

Listen To Their Story – Compassionate Listening in Conflict Resolution

“The fundamental premise of compassionate listening is that every party to a conflict is suffering, that every act of violence comes from an unhealed wound. And that our job as peacemakers is to hear the grievances of all parties and find ways to tell each side about the humanity and the suffering of the other. We learn to listen with our “spiritual ear,” to discern and acknowledge the partial truth in everyone—particularly those with whom we disagree. We learn to put aside our own positions and help the speakers tell their story. We learn to stretch our capacity to be present to another’s pain…Compassionate listening can be deeply healing for those listening as well as for those who are heard. What we’re doing is creating an environment conducive to peace-building through deep, empathic listening. It is no simple thing. We work to see through any masks of fear or hostility to the sacredness of each individual. At times, we listeners must dig deep within ourselves to move beyond our own judgments and opinions.”  except by Leah Green from Just Listen – YES Magazine!

Listen to their story. It doesn’t matter who they are; just listen. What have you got to lose?

 

Other posts you may enjoy:

Open Up – School of Life

It’s Never Too Late To Be Amazing

Number One Reason Most Relationships Struggle

Listening as an Art and Skill to Improving Relationships

Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes

Stop saying sorry if you want to say thank you: A seriously insightful cartoon

 

 

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki

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