Look Up and Get Connected

It’s getting harder and harder to look up and get connected. I am fully aware of just how engaged I am in what happens online and on my iPhone. Where are we going, and what happens if we don’t look up and get connected? This is not a critique of anybody’s lifestyle because I am part of it, not above it or below it.

Look Up and Get Connected – Definition of Connection

I’ve reflected since watching the video, Look Up and Get Connected, that I have an unfair advantage. As a middle-aged man who’s been meditating daily for more than 20 years, I am very well-trained in disciplined focus. In fact, next to relating to people, I think having a single point of focus is probably my greatest gift. What about the other 7 billion people in the world who do not have this training and discipline? If it’s a challenge for me to close the lid on my MacBook or stick the iPhone back in my pocket, how hard is it for others to look up and get connected?

Look Up and Get Connected – Remembering Before

I am starting to forget what it was like to be in a world where, no matter where you were, you could push a button and read, watch, or communicate with almost anything and anybody. There was once a time when if you wanted to ask a friend if they wanted to go out for ice cream, play basketball, or have fun, you went to their house and asked them. I mean, you actually went to their house in person and asked them. I remember a time when a friend or family member experiencing a particularly difficult time in their life, we would go and sit down with them drink, some tea or coffee and hold their hand.

When I was in ninth grade, my brother, who was a senior in high school, played football. His team was playing for the conference championship that year. Pretty much everybody in my family showed up to watch him play and cheer on his team. We didn’t have the luxury of watching it later in the afternoon on YouTube from our living room, we were actually there with him in the crowd rooting for him. He heard our voices and felt our energy present with him. When the team lost, we were all there to support him after the game and took him out for dinner. He did not have to go to Facebook to find out if we knew how he did and if the team won because we were with him present at the dinner table.

Look Up and Get Connected Video by Gary Turk

Look Up and Get Connected – An Unforgettable Experience

I was 19 or 20 years old when a pseudo-uncle of mine committed suicide. It was tragic and startling. We all thought he was a happy man. He had a wonderful family and financial security. Until that day, I had spent many holidays enjoying food and family and having fun with him and his family. My father recommended that I visit them, say hello, and pay my respects. I was terrified of walking into that house all by myself, but I got in my car, and a half hour later, I pulled up in front of their house, putting my car in park. I spent a moment in the car catching my breath and preparing myself for I did not know what. Even though they were extended family, not connected by blood, I had a crush on his two oldest daughters. Of course, since we considered them family, it was just a crush that I kept to myself.

I walked up their cement walkway, up four brick stairs to the front door, pressing the doorbell. I heard my aunt’s voice call out, “Come in”. There was a part of me that, even though there were six cars parked outside, was hoping nobody was home, or the doorbell didn’t work. I slowly opened the door and walked up the six steps to their kitchen, where everybody was sitting. I walked in and said hello. Before I could say anything, my aunt got up from the table and gave me a big hug, “Michael, you didn’t have to come, especially by yourself. Thank you so much for coming.” I sat down with them, had some conversation, but do not remember one word of it. After about ten anxious minutes, she asked if I wanted to go see her daughter Amy, who was sitting on the back steps. I quietly got up from the table, opened the back door, and saw Amy sitting there by herself. I sat next to her. I sat with her for about 15 minutes, and we had a little conversation, but more than anything, I was present with her. We were both sharing a silent cry with no tears together. Amy said she wanted to go up to her room and lie down, asking me if that was okay. Of course, I said she could do whatever she wanted. She reached over and touched my elbow with her right hand, and I felt her right shoulder touch my left shoulder, leaning into me.

“Thank you, Michael, for coming and being with me here. I know this must have been hard for you.” I could hear the gratitude in her voice, it shook me at my core. While I’m writing this, it is still shaking that same core. This experience happened because I was physically present with her. I wonder what I would’ve done if I was the same age today? Would I have just clicked the “like” button on Facebook next to a picture of him? Would I have been one of 42 people who wrote a comment, “I am so sorry, Amy”? Would my entire experience of supporting Amy be a text message spoken through Siri on my iPhone? I am not grateful that Amy and Debbie lost their father. I am grateful that somehow I summoned the courage to take that hour and a half out of my life to drive to their home and be present with them. I am not sure at the age of twenty I would do the same thing today, it is too easy to just hide behind my MacBook and iPhone and not face my fears. Today I do not have to look up and get connected, I can choose the safety and security of distance through technology.

I am sure if I were a teenager today, I would’ve asked out more girls on dates because I would have a way to do it without having to see their eyes. But I can tell you the heartbreak I experienced when looking into their eyes, and they said no to me. It made me become a better person for the next girl I wanted to ask out. The rejection made me stronger and motivated me.

It seems somewhat ironic and hypocritical to be writing an online blog post encouraging others to look up and get connected. I am aware that doing so will force me to reconsider how much time I spend online. Reflecting on that visit to my extended family’s home in their time of need reminds me how important and critical direct human contact is to our existence. I invite you to join me as we all look up and get connected. I am not recommending you or I completely cut out our use of the Internet, nor would we think it’s a good idea. I am just suggesting that, individually and collectively, our lives will be richer if we look up and get connected on a more regular basis. I am not one of the people who bashes the Internet or Facebook; they both enrich my life in many ways. Maybe it’s time we begin to move towards balancing our time with fingers on keys with our time with fingers interlocked with friends’ and family members’ hands.

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences about choosing to look up and connect with others in person.

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services