“Mindfulness is being fully present in the here and now,” says mindfulness teacher and monk Thich Nhat Hanh in his book, “The Art of Power.” Learn to capture wandering thoughts and redirect them. You’ll be a better date when you’re able to fully engage in a conversation with the guy you’re hoping to impress, rather than dwelling on the possibility that there might be spinach in your teeth or desperately trying to think of something witty to say. Your dates will be more enjoyable when you are not worried about whether or not there will be a future date, or any other factor besides the present moment, which is really the only moment you have, says Hanh”.

Mindful Dating Exercise

“Exercise 1: Notice Your Patterns

The next time you go to a party, bar, club or a gathering where there are single people, try this exercise:

PART A: Change nothing in what you do. Simply notice your behavior and your feelings. Whom do you talk to? Whom do you avoid? Do you approach people you are interested in, or wait for them to approach you? Do you approach people you are very attracted to? Do you approach people you are only moderately attracted to? Do you avoid the whole “dating thing” completely? Or do you focus on finding your “someone” to the exclusion of spending time with friends? Do you drink a lot? How are you different when you’re with someone you’re attracted to?

There are no wrong answers. Just notice your patterns of behavior, and the flow of your feelings. That’s it—that’s all you need to do. Afterward, do a post-mortem with your learning partner. Go to a café or speak on the phone and share your insights and reflections. If you did this alone, go to a café or to anywhere comfortable, and write down your reflections.

PART B: Now pick one small change you’d like to experiment with in your next outing. Perhaps you choose to drink less. If you’re always the aggressor, perhaps you might choose to be less action-oriented. There are countless possibilities for small shifts in behavior. Choose one which interests you most. Make sure that the change you’re trying for is one you’re confident you can achieve. Even a slight change will open up new insights and give you a liberating sense of movement and possibility.” Psychology Today

For the other two exercises, of Three Mindfulness Exercises To Improve Your Dating Life 

Mindful Dating: How to Overcome Dating Distress

“Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment.  By cultivating awareness of what is happening in the here and now you give yourself the chance to fully participate in your life instead of being reactive and going through it on automatic pilot.  Mindful Dating is the practice of bringing that awareness to your romantic encounters and using it to remain open to yourself and a potential partner.  We bring so many expectations with us on a date: “he should be this”, “he must look a certain way”, “I have to feel that instant connection”.  These expectations along with our negative past dating experiences can lead to missing out on a wonderful relationship or falling for one that is not worth your time.  Learning to date mindfully allows you to be your true self and make a genuine connection.  In other words, the more you learn to be present and in tune with your needs, the less focused you will be on trying to be what “he” wants you to be or what you want him to be.  Let’s face it…that is not a good look and it only leads to resentment and disappointment when the true self finally emerges.  So bottom line, if you are in your mind, you are not fully present.  And if you are not fully present you definitely are not the best representation of yourself!  Mindful Dating will help you have an authentic dating experience and will open up the possibilities of an a truelove connection.”                   Chamin Ajjan Psychotherapy

Mindful dating is not some cute gimmick or play on words; it’s a way of sharing your assets. Not your liabilities. More importantly, mindful dating creates an atmosphere where you enjoy the dating experience, and so does your date. Fun and connection are at the root of mindful dating. If fun and connection are what you are looking for in your dating experiences, why not give it a try? Mindful dating is free:)

If you would like more information on mindful dating, I invite you to comment or write to me privately. Mindful dating is not a special secret formula; it is just learning how to be you, breathe, be present, and pay attention to whatever you are doing—the same formula that is successful in all aspects of life.

Other posts you may enjoy:

Doubt

The Relationship Blame Game

Why You Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time

Number One Reason Most Relationships Struggle

Listening as an Art and Skill to Improving Relationships

Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes

Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Life Coaching and Reiki Counseling