28 results for tag: Change Habits
Everything You Need To Know About Habit Stacking
Habit stacking is an excellent way to add new habits to patterns and habits that already exist. I have done this by using several habits that I wanted to add to my daily life.
The first time I utilized habit stacking it did not have a name yet, or at least I wasn't aware it had a name. I really wanted to become consistent about flossing nightly before bed. This was not a hard routine to add a new habit. I sandwiched flossing in between washing my face and brushing my teeth, all pretty obvious and simple. Because it was natural to habit stack in this way, it only took a week or two for this to become the norm. I wanted to use this example first because I think it's one that most people would relate to.
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You Can’t Change Anyone — You Can Only Make Them Think
We can't change anyone who doesn't want or isn't ready to change. While I was still doing drugs and drinking alcohol, many people wanted me to change. They needed me to change.
When I got sober in 1989, I often heard a woman named Claire share, "I didn't see the light. My ass was dragging, and I felt the heat"! This was me. The walls were closing in, and I felt like I had no options. I know that I am not alone in this experience of people wanting or needing someone to change, but they weren't ready or willing.
My more than twenty-five years as a social worker, counselor, and coach have demonstrated that we can't change anyone who isn't invested in change. But we can inspire them, offer them a new perspective, and provide safety, support, and love....
Brought Back to Life By A Dance Class
What do we need to be brought back to life? We all get stuck from time to time. The "sparkplug" differs from person to person and depends on where we are in our lives and the circumstances we are experiencing.
"I don’t have a lot of wisdom to offer, but I do know that showing up was an act of self-care." Daphnée...
Self-Sabotage – I Am Willing To Do Anything… But That
It is very common for clients whom I work with when asked what they are willing to do to grow or improve their situation, to offer a very specific and inspiring response. "I am willing to do anything and everything to make things better!" A part of me gets really excited about their enthusiastic reply. My excitement and optimism still exist after 25 years of this kind of work, knowing that we are about to embark on the first stage of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage can, at times, be really obvious and, at others, very deceptive and tricky.
I take a deep breath and ask them, "Are you willing to do____?" Their enthusiasm and conviction, which were on full display just a moment earlier, disappear. Some combination of resentment, bitterness, fear, and/or anger replaces the enthusiasm. Self-sabotage has now planted its roots and is ready to dig in to do anything and everything except for "that."
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... We Can Still Be Crazy – Pema Chodron
... Change Is Possible – Change Really Is Possible
I am often asked a question that baffles me, "Can people REALLY change?". I am baffled because it astounds me that people do not recognize how we are all changing in large and small ways all the time. However, I do relate to the experience of feeling hopeless that I cannot change enough to enjoy life. This I understand. I can still recall clearly that night in October of 1989 when, for a moment, I felt life was not worth living. An image flashed across my mind of driving my car into my then-girlfriend, who was standing right in front of me, followed by me crashing into the large oak tree across the street. It was clear in my mind. We were arguing in the street outside of her house in front of my car. At that moment, it made complete sense to me. I felt like there was no other viable option.
At the time, I was six months clean and sober in so-called recovery; things did not feel better. In fact, they felt worse. I did not believe I could change. I did not believe life could or would improve. I did not believe I was capable of rigorous honesty as the A.A. Preamble stated; "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty." I believed that I was not capable of being honest with myself; therefore, I could not recover. I was wrong.
A man who was forty years sober then told me if I wanted to change, I needed to tie my shoes differently. That was the beginning. All the successes I have enjoyed since that night began with one small choice. This is not some cute fable or a new-age platitude. This is my real-life experience of change and growth.
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... Why Nice Guys Stay Single – So Do Bad Boys
When I first saw the heading "Why Nice Guys Stay Single", I rolled my eyes; at least I tried. I have never perfected eye-rolling. I thought to myself, "Another article written by a bitter, single woman who likes bad boys who treat her like shit". I was completely wrong. I have no idea if Kathryn Hogan is single, but she is definitely not bitter and incredibly perceptive.
Here is a quote from this article; if this does not move you, there is no need to read further.
"What women—evolved, mature, powerful women—actually need is a man who embodies the divinity of manhood. This may sound mystical, but it’s not. Every man is sacred, can touch the sacred masculine within him, can be a man who stands in compassion, loyalty, and honor, who cares enough to realize that only his true, unfiltered presence is good enough for this world. A man with a powerful heart, who can hold a woman in his presence, who can weather her emotional storms, who is nourished by being near her, and sees her divinity, and gives endlessly of himself."This article explores why being a nice guy will only get you so far. You must dive deeper into yourself and express everything that makes you. The real you. The authentic you. Nice guys are men who are hiding from themselves and the women they wish to connect with and love. No more Mr. Nice Guy (see Alice Cooper song below for kicks).
Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters
Find out about this exciting new book here.
