65 results for tag: Couples Counseling
3 Reasons You Should Definitely Not Go To Therapy
This article is hysterical, insightful, and well-written. If you have never read Elephant Journal previously, I invite you to do so. The essays are interesting, relevant, and thoughtful without any hype or propaganda. A therapist with a brand of honesty and humor wrote this essay on why NOT to go to therapy. I can see myself actually thinking from this perspective about thirty years ago. It feels very familiar. I have a lot to add, but I am going to just offer you to read and digest on your own, but no matter what you do, don't go to therapy:)
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... Trauma Is Not Your Fault, But Healing Is Your Responsibility
Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters - From Mobster to Reiki Master, A Memoir of Awakening & Transformation. Find out more about this exciting new book here.
We all come into this life with stuff to unpack and learn. Some of us have entered life with more significant challenges than others. It can be said that ALL OF US have endured trauma in one form or another. This can mean being neglected as children, being abused as a child, teen or adult, military, sexual assault and rape, alcoholism and drug addiction, poverty, and racial and cultural issues, just to name a few forms of trauma. We all experience these challenges in different ways. It has become widespread for self-help and pop psychology "gurus" to present pathology as a singular, logical pattern that explains life experiences through a lens that, in all cases, "this means that" and all people experience "this and that" the same. It is false and damaging to the millions of people who read or hear these claims and wonder why it is not valid for them. We have our shared experiences but in our own unique way. That is one of the joys of being human!
No two people experience trauma the same, but there are enough common traits to share and learn from each other and gain support and camaraderie. I can learn from you and vice-versa. I remember when my cousin returned from Vietnam, he would not discuss what happened to anyone. Then, one day, a friend of his who was also a Vietnam vet was over. He talked and talked about what he saw and did for hours. We were all surprised after not hearing him speak about it for more than a paragraph after being home for several years. The same applies to people participating in Twelve-Step or cancer survivor groups. Shared experiences help us feel like we belong and we are not alone. This is important in moving forward through traumatic experiences.
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Self-Sabotage – I Am Willing To Do Anything… But That
It is very common for clients whom I work with when asked what they are willing to do to grow or improve their situation, to offer a very specific and inspiring response. "I am willing to do anything and everything to make things better!" A part of me gets really excited about their enthusiastic reply. My excitement and optimism still exist after 25 years of this kind of work, knowing that we are about to embark on the first stage of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage can, at times, be really obvious and, at others, very deceptive and tricky.
I take a deep breath and ask them, "Are you willing to do____?" Their enthusiasm and conviction, which were on full display just a moment earlier, disappear. Some combination of resentment, bitterness, fear, and/or anger replaces the enthusiasm. Self-sabotage has now planted its roots and is ready to dig in to do anything and everything except for "that."
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... Hormones In Relationships – Are You a ‘Testosterone’ or a ‘Dopamine?’
We are all affected by hormones in relationships. I am fascinated by this work and its potential in understanding relationship choices and exploring the impact of hormones on relationships. How does this influence our compatibility or lack thereof? I appreciate there are four distinct profile types, dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen, in no particular order. The fact that they move beyond the limitations of the two profile types of estrogen and testosterone feels more honest and accurate than defining folks by just the two hormones and dismissing the effects of dopamine and serotonin. Hormones in relationships are a real thing, ...
Mindful Sex – A Solution To Unhappy Sex Lives
Mindful Sex. The words even sound funny together. Sex, by its nature, is mindful enough, in theory. Why do we need mindful sex, and what is mindful sex?
It is easy to decide, "This is the thing I need to do to fix my relationships and sex life". This is not one of those kinds of solutions, assuming such a thing exists. Mindful sex can be a gateway towards a more fulfilling and intimate experience of making love and intimacy. Mindful sex does not replace destructive, unfulfilling old habits or patterns. Mindful sex helps create new ones and revitalize those that were once joyful and alive! We still have to do our work.
Mindfulness and being present have become serious buzzwords in recent years. For those of us who have practiced these skills and arts for decades, it can sometimes feel like they are the latest in a long line of techniques in "microwave recovery" for whatever ails us. Here is the fascinating part: it's true and has been for thousands of years! The packaging and terminology have changed, but meditation, breathing, paying attention, and being where we are right now are the foundations of most major psychological, religious, and spiritual traditions. Ironically, people often label them as New Age practices, when in reality, they are older than "traditional" methods that people are finding are not as effective for us in today's world. Mindful sex is an extension of these practices. Again, there is nothing "new" to mindful sex. We have just given it a fancy, trendy name. It is like what we used to call tropical rainforests "jungles". There was minimal interest in preserving jungles, but tropical rainforests create an image that people want to support. We can think of mindful sex as undistracted sex while fully immersed in the experience. Who doesn't want deep, meaningful sexual and intimate experiences?
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... They See a Dark Shadow, You See the Bright Light that Casts It
Are you a bright light? Are you shining at your highest intensity? What do you need to become the bright light you were meant to be?
They see a dark shadow; you see the bright light that casts it. They see the night; you see the moon. They see a mistake; you see a lesson.
Published on LinkedIn on January 30, 2018
Oleg Vishnepolsky
A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present “Seven Wonders of the World.” Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire ...
The 4 Qualities Of A Conscious Relationship
A few years back, I wrote a piece for Providence Life Coach Dating Success Series - Conscious Coupling . When I saw the article, which is copied below, The 4 Qualities Of A Conscious Relationship, I thought it was time to add some new content to this conversation on creating positive, lasting relationships. I really appreciate what Shelly Bullard has written, especially the first quality; "The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship - growth comes first." This is so important and often overlooked. We are so desperate to make relationships last that we forget that our personal and collective growth as people is an even greater goal. If we grow, our relationship grows; it is inevitable. Many people grow to "save" the relationship. This is courageous, but it is also an end to a means. We need to grow whether the relationship continues or not.
Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters
Find out about this exciting new book here.
