What I Wish I’d Known Before Moving in Together

Moving in together can be a glorious and stressful experience. The prospect of sharing space, bills, meals, conversation, and a bed can be incredibly exciting.

What happens if it doesn't work out?

What happens if it does work out?

Do we really know each other well enough yet?

Early in the pandemic, I worked with several couples who had just started dating before the pandemic and decided moving in together to have someone to quarantine with sounded better than being alone. I mean, we had no idea how long we were going to be quarantined, so why not? I recognize how funny this sounds, but why not? Couples have been thrown together into arranged marriages for millennia after first meeting each other. It is not like this is a new process.

I really enjoyed the experience of working with new couples just after moving in together, being around each other 24/7 while working or going to school remotely, or not having any work or school, just staying home all day together. If you are curious, many have succeeded. In fact, the two got married the following year and started families together!

Moving in together is not a straightforward process. Patience and flexibility are required while figuring out how to mesh two complete lives together. I hope you enjoy this article as much as I did on moving in together....

How Sobriety Strategies Can Help Anxious People Reenter Society After The Pandemic

This article discusses strategies that work for recovering alcoholics and addicts and may help people who are choosing to return to their lives pre-pandemic. The basic recovery principles of accepting what is true right now, creating and sticking to a plan, identifying feelings/emotions, connecting with the community, and gratitude are the cornerstones of recovery. For my first few years, they were vital to my survival. Today, they are a natural part of my life expressed in ways that are more representative of who I am now.

I encourage you to be patient with yourself and allow space for the more challenging feelings and emotions you may experience, like anxiety, distance, being overwhelmed, panic, anxiousness, depression, and possibly wanting to hide under the covers. For most people, these emotions will be temporary. Let your friends and family know what you are going through if that feels safe. I highly recommend having some fun, plain old simple fun! Laugh and play as often as you can! Just because you are re-entering society does not mean you have to consume more alcohol/drugs than you know is good for you. Fun is the goal, not another form of numbness or reason to feel isolated. The principles below may be helpful guides for you as you expand your world to your specific needs and wants.

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Red Flags For Your Relationships

We have all been there, the red flags in a new relationship. When launching a new relationship, we see these little signs that our instincts tell us to "RUN," but we don't listen. They are attractive, fun, or funny; maybe they have a good job or career, or maybe they are just so different than the last relationship that ANYTHING feels like an upgrade. These red flags are not always obvious to us when oxytocin is released in our bodies, and everything feels magical.

"Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion." Adrienne Santos-Longhurst on Healthline.

When these hormones are released, we are not always able to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. We tend to act impulsively and jump into a relationship based on the experiences that these hormones produce in us. We tend to attach good feelings to the person and assume that they are the cause of this newfound sense of joy and vitality. Sometimes they are the reasons we feel the way we do early in the relationship, sometimes it is just these specific hormones are doing what they are supposed to do, create offspring. This is why paying attention to red flags in a new relationship is so vital to its sustainable success and our well-being....

Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus

Listening and learning are two essential skills for creating amazing relationships. This applies to couples and partners, as well as family, friends, and any relationship that is important to us. Coronavirus has amplified the need to focus our attention and energy towards clearer communication, especially listening and learning. From my experience personally and professionally as a couples counselor, I can honestly say that we do not focus enough time and attention on the benefit of learning from each other. Most of us feel like we already know our partners, family, and close friends. We do. We also can improve all relationships in our lives by learning even more about those who are part of our inner circle. Many couples counselors believe what is not said causes more harm in relationships than what is said. Listening and learning can support opportunities to create bridges and stronger, more loving relationships. Does having stronger, more loving relationships appeal to you? If so, I invite you to read Terry Gaspard's article on listening and learning during Corona through The Gottman Institute. I am an enthusiastic supporter of The Gottman Institute and am currently receiving more training in working with couples through their institute....

4 results for tag: COVID Relationships

What I Wish I’d Known Before Moving in Together

Red Flags For Your Relationships

Listening and Learning: Communication During Coronavirus