4 results for tag: Fighting
Conflict Resolution: Transform Your Conflict Cycle
Most couples struggle with conflict resolution. They may call it communication, anger issues, conflict avoidance, contempt, manipulation, narcissism, trauma response, triggers, etc., but we are often talking about conflict resolution.
Conflict resolution skills allow us to shift our conflict cycle to create an environment supportive of connection, safety, trust, and intimacy. Trust is the primary component of successful relationships and connections. Creating or rebuilding trust can take time, patience, and a willingness to step outside our comfort zone through conflict resolution...."What is conflict? Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships." Excerpt from Conflict Resolution Skills.
What Are We Fighting For?
What are we fighting for or about? We all need to ask ourselves this question when we conflict with another person, especially a partner or spouse.
As a couples and relationship counselor, whenever a couple shares with me about a "fight" they had recently, I often ask them after they have spoken in great detail how their partner was at fault and what they did wrong, "What was the fight about?". Both people start repeating what the other person said and did wrong and how they did it right. The focus is generally on the content rather than what the fight was about....
Fight Languages: How we Argue Is Key to Healthy Relationships
For those of you who have been reading my posts for a while, you are aware of The Rules For Fair Fighting in Relationships. Many of you know the Five Love Languages Gary Chapman, Ph.D., introduced. If not, you can learn about them easily here. What are the five love languages? The concept of fight languages having a name is new to me. I understood the principles but did not have a term to express them.
How we fight with our partner(s), friends, family, and neighbors often defines the nature of our relationships. Understanding how your partner or friends/family argue is essential to creating thoughtful, loving resolutions, trust, and safety....
Arguments About $ Aren’t About Money
Arguments. The first time I meet a new couple that I am working with, I ask them to each share why they are here today. Almost without exception, they each launch into a one-sided description of a recent argument, telling it solely from their perspective. In their minds, they are seeking relationship counseling because of an argument or arguments.
I ask a few more questions to get a greater understanding of their current challenges. Most of the time, they continue to refer back to the argument or arguments previously mentioned.
I will follow that up with a question similar to this, "So if I am hearing you correctly, you are here because of an argument or arguments, not due to a lack of trust, connection, respect, communication, commitment, safety, and/or intimacy?".
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