8 results for tag: Psychology Today
The Little Things That Make or Break Relationships
Life is often about the little things, especially in relationships. People want to know they matter and are important to us, and little things go a long way toward achieving that goal.
How do you respond when the people in your life make bids and connection attempts toward you at random times throughout your days?
Do you move closer or further in those moments? How does it feel when you move closer?
How does it feel when you move further?
I invite you to read this short article on the impact of little things on relationships....
New Relationship Energy and Ethical Non-Monogamy
New relationship energy can be amazing, full of life and fresh air! Everything tastes and smells differently. Alarm clocks seem less annoying; laundry creates an opportunity to recall recent memories of what I wore when we did ______, and traffic jams offer space for a few quick texts to say, "Hello and I miss you". There is a part of most of us that wishes we could hold on to these moments forever. However, there can be obstacles that this magical period produces. The transition to a potential long-term relationship and all that often accompanies this shift can feel disappointing and "normal" all too quickly. The alarm clock and traffic return to their annoying selves. Staying up till 2:00 am talking is about whose turn it is to do the dishes or laundry instead of whose turn it is to receive a back rub or foot massage. It happens in a flash....
How Breathing Calms Your Brain
It's about time that science has caught up to what many of us have known for a very long time. Breathing calms your brain, heart, whole body, and mind. Scientists are doing amazing research on how breathing affects the vagus nerve. "The vagal nerve, as a proponent of the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), is the prime candidate in explaining the effects of contemplative practices on health, mental health, and cognition"(Roderik J. S. Gerritsen and Guido P. H. Band). I trust research conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
My primary interest in posting this article is that simply focused breathing can shift our brain rhythm, heart rate, and sense of well-being in general, just a few simple breaths. I encourage many clients to pause and take three full breaths several times a day: when we get out of bed, before work/school/childcare, after work/school/childcare, and before bed. We can stop at any time in any place and take three full breaths to regulate our brain rhythm and heart rate so we can function normally. Breathing calms your brain.
I invite you to try it right now. Below is a basic technique suggested by the University of Michigan Medicine. If the situation does not support the specifics of this method, just take three full breaths to your below and release fully after each breath. Breathing calms your brain.
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"Belly breathing
Belly breathing is easy to do and very relaxing. Try this basic exercise anytime you need to relax or relieve stress.
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Sit or lie flat in a comfortable position.
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Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest.
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Take a deep breath in through your nose, and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move.
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Breathe out through pursed lips as if you were whistling. Feel the hand on your belly go in, and use it to push all the air out.
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Do this breathing 3 to 10 times. Take your time with each breath.
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Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise."
... Change Is Possible – Change Really Is Possible
I am often asked a question that baffles me, "Can people REALLY change?". I am baffled because it astounds me that people do not recognize how we are all changing in large and small ways all the time. However, I do relate to the experience of feeling hopeless that I cannot change enough to enjoy life. This I understand. I can still recall clearly that night in October of 1989 when, for a moment, I felt life was not worth living. An image flashed across my mind of driving my car into my then-girlfriend, who was standing right in front of me, followed by me crashing into the large oak tree across the street. It was clear in my mind. We were arguing in the street outside of her house in front of my car. At that moment, it made complete sense to me. I felt like there was no other viable option.
At the time, I was six months clean and sober in so-called recovery; things did not feel better. In fact, they felt worse. I did not believe I could change. I did not believe life could or would improve. I did not believe I was capable of rigorous honesty as the A.A. Preamble stated; "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty." I believed that I was not capable of being honest with myself; therefore, I could not recover. I was wrong.
A man who was forty years sober then told me if I wanted to change, I needed to tie my shoes differently. That was the beginning. All the successes I have enjoyed since that night began with one small choice. This is not some cute fable or a new-age platitude. This is my real-life experience of change and growth.
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... A Cure for Loneliness – How To Make Connects That Count
I am not aware of anyone who has not experienced loneliness at some point in their lives. Everyone experiences loneliness or isolation. For many, it is an ongoing struggle. People often assume that others whose friends and/or family always surround them do not experience loneliness. This assumption needs to be corrected. We can experience loneliness no matter how many people are in our lives; loneliness is not an exclusive club for those who are shy, awkward, or introverted. Loneliness can affect anyone, even "The Cool People".
Before we get to the article A Cure For Loneliness, here is a short video with Johann Hari. He is a controversial author, journalist, and explorer of life and people. He has great ideas, even if he is only sometimes on target about why things are how they are. You will enjoy his talk on loneliness. It is less than four minutes.
https://youtu.be/bC2Na1E3iVg
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Do Feelings Matter? Refections on Feelings in Our Lives
I was recently reading an article in Psychology Today, Life Lessons: 16 Truths to Embrace Now. Providence Holistic Counseling Services is listed in Psychology Today, so I receive a print copy monthly. I rarely read the articles because they feel like typical pop culture, with sensationalistic headlines and not a lot of solid content. I also find that the cover is typically an image of a young, white, attractive, thin female Photoshopped to look seductive with thick lipstick covering parted lips. An embarrassment to the industry. Now and then, I am wrong, and they dig a little deeper. The ideas of the various writers who contributed to this article are helpful and well-written. One of them referenced how the current generation of young adults places a great preference on what they feel and their emotions. This got me thinking. The question that came to mind is, "Do feelings matter?"
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... Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters
Find out about this exciting new book here.
