32 results for tag: Relationships
Co-Regulation and Healthy Relationships
Co-Regulation is when two people provide support for each other as a means of creating emotional safety, security, and connection. We need to connect with other people. It is that simple. There is a lot of information out there that convinces people that the goal is to be "self-sufficient" as if that is possible even if it were true. There never has been and never will be a time when being self-sufficient is best for us. Besides, we need food, shelter, the earth, sun and moon, water, air, clothing, beds, transportation, tools, machines, soil, trees, etc.; we need others whether we like it or not! We are not built to be self-sufficient, and that is a blessing!
We are wired to be connected with other people and possibly other species. Many of us were not taught or demonstrated how to do this in a healthy, safe manner. This makes the illusion of trying to be self-sufficient seductive and tempting. We want to find a more straightforward method than investing the time and energy required to build these safe and healthy relationships. We want an easy way out where it is unnecessary to lean into our fears of connection and intimacy.
Most folks are terrified of letting others in and allowing ourselves to be that vulnerable and exposed.So what do we do? We begin by creating inner safety and a sense of security that "I will be OK no matter what." This sense of safety and security provides the foundation for us to trust others because we know we are solid and secure. They may hurt us, but we will survive and, over time, thrive. Connection with others is what supports us in being independent....
As Friendships Grow Closer – Jeff Brown
I have been reflecting on this Jeff Brown quote on friendships lately. We tend to focus our efforts towards relationships on our romantic/intimate partnerships and family. But what about friendships?
What if we carried the same intention and effort with our main friendships, or "friendship pods"?
I am incredibly grateful for my core group of friends and how impactful our love, support, and collective commitment are and have been in my life, especially during the height of the pandemic. I am inspired continuously by our willingness as individuals and as a group to walk towards challenges, not away.
"As friendships grow closer, conflict be...
Arguments About $ Aren’t About Money
Arguments. The first time I meet a new couple that I am working with, I ask them to each share why they are here today. Almost without exception, they each launch into a one-sided description of a recent argument, telling it solely from their perspective. In their minds, they are seeking relationship counseling because of an argument or arguments.
I ask a few more questions to get a greater understanding of their current challenges. Most of the time, they continue to refer back to the argument or arguments previously mentioned.
I will follow that up with a question similar to this, "So if I am hearing you correctly, you are here because of an argument or arguments, not due to a lack of trust, connection, respect, communication, commitment, safety, and/or intimacy?".
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... Relationship Recommendations During Covid-19
We all need relationship recommendations from time to time. In this current pandemic, there are intense pressures on relationships for couples who are trying to figure out how to get along and thrive during Covid-19 or just survive in some cases. Most couples have never had to experience such a high degree of proximity for an extended amount of time, as we need to manage right now. Add in the economic stress and fear of physical safety, and it is no surprise that more couples are reaching out for support and guidance than at any other time in history.
Please remind yourself and each other that this is temporary; you need each other, and you really do love each other, even if none of the above feels true at this moment. I encourage you to trust your history and that you have endured difficult challenges before and are still together. And most of all, PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER! This is an incredibly stressful time in every one of our lives. We need to feel safe while navigating this unique global situation. Trust your love, connection, and your foundation as your guides and collective resources. Please be gentle with each other and yourself. Ask for help if you need it.
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... Being Sober – Alcoholism Is About Pain; Not Drinking Too Much
Getting and staying sober is a monumental task. It takes an incredible amount of effort and commitment, especially in the beginning. Getting sober isn't the goal, though. The goal is to become at minimum a decent human being, if not an exceptional one. Somehow our culture has created this illusional that staying sober is the destination, it's not even close. Getting sober is the springboard to something better. Staying sober is not the goal; getting married isn't the goal of a relationship. The goal for both alcoholics and marriages is to be healthy and balanced and live your best life with solid, sustainable relationships that support love, connection, and respect.
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... Better Men’s Support Group!
We have created a Men’s Support Group on Zoom. Six men are already participating. We have been meeting bi-weekly since the Spring, and it is amazing. Get your seat at the table.
What are we doing?
We are a group of men discussing their honest feelings on relationships, drugs, love, sex, money, and work. We’ll pick a topic, trade stories, have a moderated discussion, and maybe yell (if needed).
