Thanks For Sharing – Sex Addiction, Obsession and Compulsion

Sex addiction. Those two words sitting together by themselves often stir a range of emotions. Sex addiction has all kinds of stigmas, myths, and stereotypes associated with it. There was a time when alcoholism carried many social stereotypes and stigmas. Alcoholism does not express the same degree of reactions that sex addiction, sexual obsession, and sexual compulsion produce.

Many people, when they hear the words sex addiction, create all kinds of fantasies, images, and conclusions about the man or woman. It is common for people to laugh and make jokes about sex addiction as if it is fun and exotic, not painful and desperate. Many people question whether sex addiction is an actual addiction, both mental health professionals and the public. I can tell you that any professional who has worked with a sex addict will testify that sex addiction is real and destructive to all involved. I am not in a position to decide whether it is a mental health disorder or not.

When you read the words sex addiction, what reactions do your mind, body, and hormones produce? When you hear the words sex addiction, do you get excited? Does sex addiction facilitate fear in you? Do you smirk upon hearing the words sex addiction? Do you see “hot” men and women having ecstatic sex? What does sex addiction mean to you?

I was recently working with a client who was asking about someone in their life she believes to be experiencing challenges associated with sex addiction, obsession, and compulsion. We discussed common symptoms of sex addiction, and they matched her experiences with this person. I recommended she watch the movie Thanks For Sharing, starring Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins, Gwyneth Paltrow, Josh Gad, Joely Richardson, Patrick Fugit, and Pink.  I thought she would appreciate the movie, but I cautioned her that it may be uncomfortable for her. I repeated the word uncomfortable to make sure she heard me.  Of course, highlighting the word uncomfortable made her uncomfortable.

Earlier this week, we spoke after she watched the movie Thanks For Sharing. She laughed, “Yes you were right, I felt very uncomfortable during and after the movie.” She laughed again, a little uneasy this time, “I’m pretty sure my friend is a sex addict. Sex addiction feels gross. I felt like I needed a shower after watching that movie. I am so glad you recommended watching it with somebody else that I could have a conversation with afterward.”

We had an in-depth conversation about sex addiction, sexual obsession, and sexual compulsion. We identified the ways that sex addiction is similar and different from other addictions. We discussed the destructive nature of sex addiction and its consequences for friends and family. We also both laughed at the fact that a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow in leather was not a large draw at the box office and how that is possible. Our mutual amusement was less at the fact that we think Gwyneth Paltrow is attractive or desirable, but more that a famous Hollywood actress was seducing her boyfriend in a movie wearing leather lingerie, and that is usually enough for a movie to be a hit regardless of the content or quality. Apparently, sex sells, but sex addiction does not.

Thanks For Sharing Trailer – Sex Addiction

 Sex Addiction Behaviors

“The list of behaviors associated with a sexual addict is so mundane, practically anyone can tick off at least a couple. Consistent use of pornography. Unsafe sex. Phone or chat-room sex. One-night stands, extra-marital affairs, GPS hook-ups, obsessive online dating. The list is long and gets darker the further down you go: compulsive masturbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, prostitutes.” Lisa Kirchner

Thanks For Sharing Interviews: Gwyneth Paltrow, Josh Gad and Tim Robbins – Sex Addiction

https://youtu.be/URg7VHdkaf4

Sex Addiction Self-Test

Disclaimer: This assessment is for informational purposes only and cannot substitute for a full evaluation by a clinical professional; the assessment should only be used as a guide to understanding your sexual behavior and the potential consequences associated with that behavior.

How did you score on the sex addiction self-test? What did you learn about yourself from the Sex Addiction Self-Test?

Signs of Sex Addiction

“Here are seven signs you might be dating a sex addict:

1. Consistently flaking out and running late. Sex addicts lose time to their addiction, becoming preoccupied with thoughts of sex and sexual material, and how to seek both out. Everything else comes second.

2. Financial fishiness. Prostitutes don’t take credit cards and fetish shops rarely advertise their businesses on sales receipts. Random, unexplained charges show up. Or he cashed his check and can’t explain where the money went.

3. She’s not over her childhood. Still talking about her daddy issues? She probably has daddy issues. If she attributes feelings of guilt and shame to, say, her Catholic upbringing, the watchwords are guilt and shame. Addicts feel shameful about their sexual behavior.

4. Unsafe sex. If a dude wants to slip it in without slipping it on, that’s a bad sign. He might not love you enough yet, but he should love himself enough. If he won’t, you can bet it’s not a first, and this could be just the tip of his thrill seeking when it comes to sex. Be wary when a potential partner is unwilling to delay sexual gratification in favor of the getting acquainted stage of a relationship.

5. Serial dating. He hasn’t spent any time in his adult life alone. He goes from one relationship to the next, often with a history of cheating.

6. Lying. Her excuses are inconsistent with the facts, like citing traffic problems on a Sunday morning. Many sex addicts lead a double life.

7. You’re questioning whether you’re dating a sex addict. Why are you asking? Are you prone to catastrophize situations or are you genuinely concerned that he’s given himself a blister due to excess masturbation? Again. No matter what the reason, if you’re uncomfortable with your partner’s sexual preferences, there’s no reason to withstand them. If you are dealing with an addict, eventually the lack of trust will erode intimacy, and the relationship will be compromised.”

You may read the full article 7 Signs You’re Dating a Sex Addict on The Fix

Sex Addiction Awareness Video

Sex addiction is destructive, complicated, and misunderstood. What are your experiences with sex addiction? Do you know somebody in your life who is struggling with sex addiction?  Have you known anybody recovering from sex addiction? I want to ask you again, “What comes up for you when you read or hear the words sex addiction?”

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Holistic Counseling Services

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