We all have a little boy or a little girl inside us, or both. Many people refer to this part of ourselves as the Inner Child.
The term Inner Child gets used a lot these days, but what is the Inner Child? I like the description below.
“The inner child lives in all of us; it is who we were before life happened to us. When the negative experiences of life happen in childhood, our inner child becomes fragmented. We disconnect from that vital aspect of ourselves and shove that part of our psyche down into the dark.
As we grow up, the inner child is still very much alive, often dictating our responses to life. Those traumas that you experienced as a child become your template for responding, which is why it’s not uncommon to see an adult responding with extremely childlike behaviors. We grow up, but the inner child still calls the shots.
In order to fully mature and grow up, we have to reintegrate the inner child. The inner child experienced life in a certain way and learned to respond in a specific way in order to have his/her needs met or to protect him/herself. When those patterns show up in adulthood, they keeps us stuck and unable to have our needs met. The same protections we put in place to keep us safe become the things that keep us from getting what we want.
Healing the inner child is possible and necessary to our soul’s evolution.” Lisa Vallejos The Elephant Journal
Our Inner Child can be a significant obstacle to safety, stability, and balanced, healthy relationships when we do not listen and nurture their fears of loss, abandonment, rejection, betrayal, and lack of acceptance and belonging. When our Inner Child feels neglected, unsafe, and distrustful, they will make noise till heard.
In relationships, when our Inner Child is abused and/or neglected, they often create distance or use protective trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, and, to a lesser degree, fawn. When this happens, our responsibility to ourselves and others is to discern what we are protecting. If we do not know what we are protecting in those moments, we tend to choose responses that are unproductive, unsupportive, or un nourishing.
If we have not effectively identified what we protect when our open wounds get poked, we have little chance of creating sustainable positive patterns. If this is you, I invite you to schedule a session with me to co-create a plan so you can experience safety, stability, and supportive, nourishing relationships.
What I love most about this sculpture is how well the creator conveys what it feels like to the Inner Child when we let ego, fear, resentment, pain, sadness, jealousy, or any other unwanted emotion stand in the way of connecting or reconnecting with someone important to us.
Is this strategy serving us?
What might be a more effective strategy to experience the love and connection we want?
This Sculpture Shows the Inner Child In Us
When’s the last time you lost your anger at a loved one? What did you do or say to him/her?
Often times when we lose our temper at our loved ones, we say and do things that we later regret. We isolate ourselves from our partner/parent/child/friend, fuming and feeling irate — yet deep down, what we yearn for is to connect with him/her.
This sculpture, created by Alexander Milov for the Burning Man Festival 2015, captures just that. Titled “Love,” it features two wire-frame adults after a fight, distanced and sitting with their backs facing each other. What’s interesting are the two children inside the wire-frames, trying to reach and touch each other despite outer bodies giving each other the cold shoulder.
(Image: Vitaliy Deynega)
Milov says:
“It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating.
“As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children chart to shine. This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”[1]
More pictures of the amazing piece:
(Image: Vitaliy Deynega)
(Image: Alec Kondush)
(Image: Vitaliy Deynega)
(Image: thestevenjames)
In many ways, it is true. Many times we are angry at a loved one, but deep down, we really care. Our love is just being manifested in not the most constructive or healthiest of ways. If there is a way for us to reconnect, to be back together in peace, we want to do that. But first, we have to put aside our adult egos and our pain.
Some gentle notes for all of us:
- The next time you are angry with someone, focus on the loving spirit of your inner child. Remember that underneath your anger is love for the other person.
- Don’t focus on attacking but on loving each other.
- If there are volatile emotions brewing, give both of you space to cool down.
- Don’t snipe. Focus on the problem. How can you solve the problem that’s blocking both of you? Maybe he/she is not ready to deal with this but you can do something about it first. Likewise, sometimes you may not be ready to deal with the problem but the other person can fill in for you for the time being.
- When the dust has settled, reinforce your love for each other. Talk with a cooled head and figure out ways to solve the problem… together.
The forgiving, open, and free nature of children is your true nature. Inside each angry person is a hurt child trying to connect. Remember that whenever you are with your loved ones.
Share this post with your partner to let him/her know you care.
You may view the original article at Personal Excellence, Beautiful Sculpture of Inner Child.
I am curious about what came up for you when viewing these sculptures.
How does your inner child feel when you distance yourself from those who are important to you?
How do you support your inner child in creating bridges, not walls, when scared or flooded?
Other Posts you may enjoy:
Building Bridges or Building Walls
Acknowledging Pain Is Highest Form of Support
Anger A Secondary Emotion – What Are We Protecting?
Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes
Stop saying sorry if you want to say thank you: A seriously insightful cartoon
Michael Swerdloff
Providence Holistic Counselor, Coach and Reiki
Pingback: Stop Trying To Fix Me - I Am Not Broken - Michael Swerdloff
Pingback: Boundaries Help Us Connect + Exquisite Consent - Michael Swerdloff
Pingback: Addiction Is Not The Drugs, It's The ACEs - Michael Swerdloff
Pingback: Empath or Trauma Response? - Michael Swerdloff
Pingback: I Want To Know How Human You Are - Michael Swerdloff