What’s The Point?

What’s the Point? The other day, I met with a young couple who are going through a pretty difficult stretch in their relationship. Amongst the various struggles, the one that was the loudest for me during and after our session was their collective sense of “What’s the point?” I think all of us as individuals, couples, families, and as a society have, on some level, experienced the question, “What’s the point?”

What’s The Point? – Desperado by The Eagles

In the context of this young couple, she stated that she gets excited every day when her boyfriend comes home from work and she is about to see him. Somewhere between him pulling into the driveway and walking in the front door, something inside of her shuts down, and she says to herself, “What’s the point?” He’s going to be tired, aggravated, frustrated, and probably yell at me for not doing the laundry. What’s the point in getting excited to see him, kiss him, and open my heart to him? What’s the point?

Interestingly enough, the man expressed a very similar sentiment about his girlfriend. On his way home from work, which takes nearly an hour, as he gets closer and closer to their home, he gets more and more excited to see her, kiss her, hold her, tell her about his day, and hear about her day. Interestingly enough, at the same time as he is walking from the car to the front door, he too experiences a moment of “What’s the point?” Why should I walk in all excited to kiss her and hug her if she’s just going to be depressed, tired, miserable, and complaining about what I didn’t do today, “What’s the point?”

Together, the three of us explored some of the possible causes of why he or she, instead of being excited to see their partner, loses their way and ends up asking themselves, “What’s the point?” I do not want this particular post to be about possible causes and triggers that let fear and pain become obstacles to loving those in our lives. I prefer to focus on some of the possible answers to the question, “What’s the point?”

I think for each one of us, the answers may be somewhat different but, in essence, very similar.  At the root, it seems to be our innate need for connection, love, and companionship. Deep down inside, who does not want to be loved and supported by an amazing partner?  To different degrees, all of us have an innate need to belong and be accepted by those in our inner circle or family. Simultaneously, although we may resist it fiercely, we also want to share our love and support with those who are part of that same circle.  I think even those who put great effort into creating distance and walls surrounding themselves to keep others out genuinely want and need companionship.

What’s the point? The point is simple: we want, need, and desire love, connection, and companionship. In reading some of the great thinkers of the last hundred years, like Thomas Merton, Henry David Thoreau, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chödrön, and many others, contemplation and solitude are essential. Still, few of us can find joy and happiness on a regular basis without love and companionship. We crave to be part of a tribe, even if the tribe we create is only two or three people we deeply trust and respect.

What’s the point? Generosity. When most people speak about obtaining happiness and joy, they often name getting their needs and wants met. Of course, this is part of the process, but we all know that sustained joy and happiness require generosity, the spirit of giving and sharing. For myself, the moments in my life when I have experienced what I would identify as Greatness are often times that I feel the strongest sense of humility. These moments of Greatness, without exception, have always been times when I have freely and genuinely shared with others my special gifts. I think this may be what Mother Theresa often spoke about as No Greater Love.

Next time you find yourself frustrated, desperate, or paralyzed by fear, ask yourself, “What’s the point?” I invite you to take a moment to remind yourself what the point is for you. Again, I think for each one of us, it will be a bit different, but if you scrape it all away, I think the point is Love, Connection, and Companionship.

I encourage you to share your answers to the question, “What’s the point?”

Other posts you may enjoy:

Doubt

The Relationship Blame Game

Why You Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time

Number One Reason Most Relationships Struggle

Listening as an Art and Skill to Improving Relationships

Does Kindness Make You More Attractive? Research Says Yes

Things Your Couples Counselor Already Knows About Your Relationship

Michael Swerdloff

Providence Life Coaching and Reiki Counseling