Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters: From Mobster To Reiki Master is not an easy read. In this memoir, Michael Swerdloff gives a candid and detailed account of his life journey from adolescence to maturity through the lens of how he perceived himself and related to other people. The wolves and monsters in this story are the awful men in his life, primarily his father and older brother, who taught him to objectify and mistreat women. Time and time again, he watched beautiful, innocent, smart, amazing girls and women fall under the spell of men who only saw them as a conquest, something they can own, corrupt, and then discard. Not only did he have to live with the blame of not doing anything to protect those women, but he also found himself repeating the predatory behavior he witnessed, The first third of the book is the most difficult to read because it depicts all those horrible relationships, as Michael’s life becomes a mess of alcohol, drugs, betraying his friends and the trust of the women in his life.

The change is gradual, as Michael discovers sobriety, therapy, a support network, meditation, service, and dedication to the practice of Reiki, all of which has an impact on the way he sees himself and the world. The discomfort he experiences in turning inwards and seeing all the trauma, guilt, ignorance and hurt is relatable, and so is how slow and intentional change has to be when we are healing. It was wonderful to read about the strong and selfless women and men who touch his life with love, light, and teach him patience to work on himself and find a better way to be in the world.

With a book like this, there is danger of the memoir turning into a laundry list of the bad things that happened to the person or that they did to others, becoming repetitive, or even worse, sensationalized if the focus is solely on the sordid details. Swerdloff avoids falling into this trap by analyzing each of the key events he described, musing on what he did wrong, how his choices in a particular situation were informed by his upbringing and the negative role models he had in life, and how each event fits within the bigger picture of his journey towards doing better.

While there are some minor editing issues and a few sentences that could have been structured better for clarity, the importance of Swerdloff’s story shines through. It is an account everyone should read as an example that change is possible – real, thorough change that comes from within and permeates every thought and deed. Following Michael’s transformation and the lesson he learns from each encounter, every small realization about himself and the way he treated women before, feels so authentic. The scenes I personally found the most touching were the accounts of his public speaking during events focused on sexual assault prevention – a person who has perpetrated such assaults talking in front of victims seems like wonderful cosmic justice. It was also truly interesting to get some inside information on social work and the AA community.

The second half of the book is dedicated to Michael’s spiritual awakening and the healing effect it has on him and others. This part can even be inspiring to people who are not spiritual, as there are some universal takeaways and teachings that are relevant to someone who doesn’t necessarily subscribe to any belief system or spiritual practice – kindness, mindfulness, looking inward and taking things slowly, being present in the moment and savoring meaningful encounters between people in which they exchange energy – whether you call it Reiki, God, or just a vibe.

There is such power in telling our stories, especially when they’re uncomfortable and we have to admit things about ourselves we don’t want to hear. Honesty is the best way towards healing, and Michael inspires by being raw and vulnerable. The reward for sitting through the discomfort of the first part is the hope and inspiration in the second part. We can’t change what we did when we didn’t know better, but we can choose to learn from it and use that information to lead a more meaningful and connected life.

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