9 results for tag: Intimacy and Connection

The Little Things That Make or Break Relationships

Life is often about the little things, especially in relationships. People want to know they matter and are important to us, and little things go a long way toward achieving that goal. How do you respond when the people in your life make bids and connection attempts toward you at random times throughout your days? Do you move closer or further in those moments? How does it feel when you move closer? How does it feel when you move further? I invite you to read this short article on the impact of little things on relationships....

Isolation in the Digital Era: The Power of Human Relationships

We are all aware of the potential costs of isolation—at least, we were before we became entrenched in digital connections. Human connections are suffering as more people feel increased isolation. I look forward to your comments and experiences on isolation from the article below posted on The Gottman Institute....

What Porcupines Can Teach Us About Making Love

Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters - From Mobster to Reiki Master, A Memoir of Awakening & Transformation. Find out more about this exciting new book here. Buy Your Copy Now! How do we learn about making love? A book, our parents, porn, movies, TV, social media? How about porcupines? This is a hilarious and insightful video and article about relationships, sex, and making love. I will not add anything; please enjoy the video and reflection on making love. What Porcupines Can Teach Us About Making Love (Contains mild sexual content) Dr. John Gottman is not only a groundbreaking relationship researcher ...

Conflict Resolution: Transform Your Conflict Cycle

Most couples struggle with conflict resolution. They may call it communication, anger issues, conflict avoidance, contempt, manipulation, narcissism, trauma response, triggers, etc., but we are often talking about conflict resolution.

"What is conflict? Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships." Excerpt from Conflict Resolution Skills.
Conflict resolution skills allow us to shift our conflict cycle to create an environment supportive of connection, safety, trust, and intimacy. Trust is the primary component of successful relationships and connections. Creating or rebuilding trust can take time, patience, and a willingness to step outside our comfort zone through conflict resolution....

What Are We Fighting For?

What are we fighting for or about? We all need to ask ourselves this question when we conflict with another person, especially a partner or spouse. As a couples and relationship counselor, whenever a couple shares with me about a "fight" they had recently, I often ask them after they have spoken in great detail how their partner was at fault and what they did wrong, "What was the fight about?". Both people start repeating what the other person said and did wrong and how they did it right. The focus is generally on the content rather than what the fight was about....

A New Study Reveals the Secret of Why Men Fall in Love

Buy Your Copy Now!
Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters - From Mobster To Reiki Master - healthy Masculinity - recovery - healing - self-help - trauma

Book Release: Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters - From Mobster to Reiki Master, A Memoir of Awakening & Transformation. Find out more about this exciting new book here.

 

 

 

Why men fall in love. This is not as obvious as it seems on the surface.

When I was an adolescent boy, I was very confused about what it was that I liked about girls besides their physical appearance. There were girls who I thought were very pretty and attractive, but I had no desire to be with them. Conversely, there were girls that I was only mildly physically attracted to, but they were fun, intelligent, attractive, creative, and forces of nature, which turned me on in a completely different way. When attracted to them, physically, mentally, and emotionally, my brain didn't work well! I was flooded with emotions, feelings, and thoughts that I didn't know what to do with, and I felt shame about most of them. Looking back, I am aware that physical attraction was often the starting point. It didn't make sense to me because I did not have a "type" of girl that I was attracted to. I was confused by how I felt powerless about who I got excited about and who I didn't.

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Co-Regulation and Healthy Relationships

Co-Regulation is when two people provide support for each other as a means of creating emotional safety, security, and connection. We need to connect with other people. It is that simple. There is a lot of information out there that convinces people that the goal is to be "self-sufficient" as if that is possible even if it were true. There never has been and never will be a time when being self-sufficient is best for us. Besides, we need food, shelter, the earth, sun and moon, water, air, clothing, beds, transportation, tools, machines, soil, trees, etc.; we need others whether we like it or not! We are not built to be self-sufficient, and that is a blessing! We are wired to be connected with other people and possibly other species. Many of us were not taught or demonstrated how to do this in a healthy, safe manner. This makes the illusion of trying to be self-sufficient seductive and tempting. We want to find a more straightforward method than investing the time and energy required to build these safe and healthy relationships. We want an easy way out where it is unnecessary to lean into our fears of connection and intimacy.
Most folks are terrified of letting others in and allowing ourselves to be that vulnerable and exposed.
So what do we do? We begin by creating inner safety and a sense of security that "I will be OK no matter what." This sense of safety and security provides the foundation for us to trust others because we know we are solid and secure. They may hurt us, but we will survive and, over time, thrive. Connection with others is what supports us in being independent....