Tantra Is NOT Love – Tantra And Sacred Sex

I think that is why there can be a deep core loneliness that is hard to quell in us who regularly practice tantra or sacred sex with many partners: tantra does not prepare us for lasting love. It creates sensation, and hunger, it wakes us up, connects us to our animal and soul. It fuels creativity and energy. But does not necessarily teach us how to be all in and let someone be all in for us.

Tantra and Sacred Sex

At the end of the day sacred sex is just part of the puzzle. It is not the puzzle in itself.

I think we are feeding a void with more void when we turn to sacred sex to get all of our needs met. Letting it be the solution to our desire to be radically loved.

Tantra is a way to communicate love, but it is also a smoke screen. It is a way to deepen a connection between lovers and it can also be a way to distract us. Like all good things can do.

I am not impressed by sex that can last for 8 hours. Or sex that connects me to myself. Or sex that results in a high for days. I am more impressed by how lovers take care of each other after the hit of brain chemicals subsides, the community that is built with love, the vulnerability of sharing deep needs and fears, the owning and cleaning up of messes made, the inquiry into eachothers’ passions, the creating of connection and letting a relationship change when sex no longer feels appropriate.

I am shortchanging myself if I let those things slide and instead focus on the sex alone.

I think communicating needs and boundaries around sex is important, but a focus there without remembering the depth of a human outside of the bedroom can limit and even suffocate intimacy. Can put pressure on both people to perform a role instead of show up fully as themselves.

The moments in my life that breathe life into my sex are the words and conversation shared outside of sex.

Tantra and Conversations About Sex

Listening to a lover talk about his father and feeling his heart, laughing with my husband right before he enters me, giving my love permission to not impress me with sex and just be with me. These are the moments that I carry. The things I am truly proud of. One might argue that they are all intricate parts to sacred sex or tantra, yet building actual relationship seems to be missing from the empowered conversation about sex we are having.

I know what a lover is and I can do that. But to hold the heart of a man, to be given that honor, that demands a fullness of my being that I must deepen everyday. Demands that my words match my actions so I need to know who I am. Demands I see with my soul, speak my truth, touch with my heart. Be willing to crawl through the depths of someone’s dark alongside of them until they remember again who they are.

Tantra and Seduction

This love, when I really feel it, makes me feel undone and messy. I am not a seductress here adding to my numbers of lovers on the daily, I am not impressive or sexy declaring the perfect formula to make me orgasm. I am on my knees. Waiting to be met in being this undone and rejoicing over the moments that my soul truly sees the soul of another.

May we not just have lovers but create partners that will laugh with us as our bodies fall apart. Who will take care of us when we are sick. Who we are damn proud to declare loudly that we love and are loved by. Let that be what fuels us. That is really the only thing that makes us alive anyway.